You Jump, I Jump
by sleepy-emo
Summary: After Yuuri announces his retirement from competitive figure skating a journalist goes to interview him about the last few years of his career. During the interview, a question prompts him to open up about the car accident that nearly cost him his career. It's the first time he's ever spoken to anyone about it but now seems as good a time as any.
1. Prologue

**Hey guys, so I thought I'd try something new for the summer. This what what I wrote for Camp NaNoWriMo last month and thought it was going to be a lot shorter than it actually was. I could talk for ages but I won't so here is the prologue and I hope you enjoy it :D**

 _I knock at the door, three sharp raps before I bring my frozen hands to my mouth to blow warm air on them. My breath fogs in front of my face the second it leaves my mouth and a part of me wonders why I didn't take the chance to interview Otabek Altin – is Almaty even warm this time of year? Fuck only knows but either way I didn't and I'm standing on the doorstep of the Katsuki-Nikiforov's in the middle of winter in St Petersburg freezing my arse off. Realistically I don't really care all that much about the cold, getting to interview Yuuri has been my mission in life ever since I saw him take silver in Barcelona way back in 2015._

 _I can here excited yapping from inside and a muffled voice telling someone (presumably the dog) to 'sit... stay' before the door opens. My breath catches in my throat as I come face to face with the man I've admired for so long. God, he's beautiful... I can see why Viktor suddenly dropped everything for him. I've never seen him in person this close before and I think I'd sell my soul for a chance to spend more than an hour in his company. ...Actually I'm going to spend more than an hour in his company and I'm getting paid for it. Holy shit, I hit the jackpot._

 _"Hi," he says, a smile that lights up his entire face (and stops my heart) spreading over his features, "are you here for the interview?"_

 _"Y... yes," I stammer. I fumble for a second with my business card and wondering if a hand shake is too formal whilst thinking anything else isn't formal enough._

 _"Come in," he says still beaming at me. "It's cold outside."_

 _He steps aside and allows me to enter. The second he closes the door behind me a tiny, energetic ball of fur comes bounding towards me. He's way too small to do any kind of damage to me but does insist on trying to lick every single part of exposed skin he can find, putting his paws on my thighs and stretching up as tall as he'll go._

 _Over in the corner of the huge open living room another, older poodle is curled up in a basket. She lifts her head slightly at the commotion but, upon seeing that it's not worth her time to investigate as the tiny sentry is doing enough of a good job, lies back down and goes to sleep again. The excitable poodle still trying to get eye level with me is not content with being ignored and barks up at me._

 _"Katsu, down!" Yuuri tells him firmly. Oh my god, his name is Katsu! That's adorable! The dog turns to look at Yuuri and barks once, as if answering defiantly. Yuuri raises an eyebrow at him and Katsu seems to take the hint as he gets down and sits at my feet, tail wagging expectantly. "Sorry about that."_

 _"I don't mind at all," I smile. "I love dogs."_

 _"Well he loves the attention, don't you?" Yuuri asks Katsu, bending down to stroke behind his ears. Katsu lets out a tiny bark so high pitched it's almost a squeak and I feel my heart melt slightly. Yuuri looks up at me and smiles pure radiance again. "Shall we get started?"_

 _"Um... yeah," I stammer. I can feel my face heating slightly every time he looks at me. If anyone asks I'm going to pass it off as suddenly coming in from the cold._

 _"Great," Yuuri says getting to his feet. "We've got a sort of office just through here that will be perfect. Would you like any tea or coffee or anything?"_

 _"Um... tea would be lovely, thank you," I say. I'm not used to this. Normally when I do interviews it's right after competitions so we're still at the rink or we're in a café or restaurant or somewhere similar. I've never done an interview at someone's house before._

 _"Okay," Yuuri says, utterly accommodating for my lack of experience. "If you want to go ahead and get set up the office is just down the hall and it's the first door on the left." He gestures and I follow the graceful line of his hand._

 _"Sure thing," I nod, feeling a little stupid._

 _"You can hang your coat up if you want," Yuuri says, "but if you could take your shoes off that would be great."_

 _"Sure," I say. I slip my coat off and hang it on one of the pegs on the wall behind me before bending down to start work on my laces. It's a little tricky as Katsu seems to want to help (here reading licking my hands as I struggle to get my boots off). I finally managed to get them off and I give his head a stroke. He licks my hand again before trotting off to flop down with Makkachin, bored with me now he's said hello._

 _I head off in the direction Yuuri pointed out. The office is incredibly easy to find – it being the only door on the left – and I begin to set my things up. I pull notebook and pen out of my bag along with a Dictaphone and camera, setting the Dictaphone on the small table in the middle of the room before I look around. It's a lovely, quaint little room with a nice view of the garden (which I imagine is beautiful in the summer) with pictures of their lives adorning the walls._

 _One in particular catches my eye; a candid shot from their wedding. Neither of them are looking at the camera, both of them much to fixated on each other to notice anything of the rest of the world around them and they're laughing at some kind of shared joke. It's quite possibly the most perfect photo I've ever seen, something so precious and private. My attention is so focused on the photo I barely hear the office door as Yuuri enters._

 _"That's my favourite too," he says, his voice making me jump slightly. I turn and give him a sheepish grin._

 _"It's a lovely photo," I say, as if trying to justify my staring._

 _"I can't even remember what we were laughing about," Yuuri says. "I just remember Viktor said something daft and them neither of us could stop." He smiles wistfully at the memory, bottom lip caught between his teeth and a dusting of pink on his cheeks. God, he's so pretty I want to cry! After a moment of quiet reflection he shakes himself and hands me a cup of tea. "Shall we get started then?"_

 _"Yes please," I say, excitement suddenly replacing any nerves. He sits down on one side of the little table and I sit on the other. Putting my tea down I pick up my notebook, take a deep breath and set the Dictaphone to record. "So Mr Katsuki-Nikiforov..." I begin._

 _He chuckles. "Yuuri is fine," he says. "Katsuki-Nikiforov is too long and too formal, don't you think?"_

 _"Okay... Yuuri," I say and I'm not ashamed to admit that my heart flutters slightly as I say his name. "You took the skating world by storm when you won silver at the 2015 Barcelona GPF, after a comeback from the previous year's sixth place with a broken world record and your career has spiralled upwards from there. How does it feel now, about to take your retirement from professional skating, to see just how far you've come?"_

 _"Honestly?" Yuuri asks. "It still doesn't really feel real."_

 _"How so?"_

 _"When I look back on where I was before I met Viktor, both professionally and emotionally I sometimes can't believe that I'm actually the same person. I kind of want to go back to talk to my younger self and tell him 'keep doing what you're doing because it will get so much better'," he says._

 _"Do you think he'd believe you if you did?" I ask._

 _"Not in the slightest," Yuuri laughs. "He'd tell my I was being ridiculous, that there was no way someone like Viktor would ever have the time of day for someone like him."_

 _"Well you proved him wrong," I say. "You proved everybody wrong."_

 _"Yeah," Yuuri agrees. "When Viktor first started coaching me so many people wondered why he was wasting his precious time and energy on someone like me so I knew that I had to prove that I was worth it, both to him and to everyone else."_

 _"Well you certainly did that," I say with a smile. I feel a little more at ease. The longer you spend with someone who you've revered as a god for so long the more you begin to realise that they are, in fact, human. Yuuri probably went through the same thing with Viktor._

 _"Looking back at everything I've accomplished since then is one of the most rewarding things and I have so many people to thank for where I am now," Yuuri says. "Almost too many to mention but every single person who has come into my life has enriched it for the better and I own them everything."_

 _Should I ask? Should I ask now? I had planned to do it later but it feels like the right time to drive in for the hard stuff._

 _"But it hasn't always been this good," I say, deciding to just jump right in and go for it. "I don't mean at the very start of your career, before Viktor became your coach, I mean five years ago when you had that accident that forced you to pull out of the 2016 GPF, only a year after your rise to success, and nearly ended your career all together."_

 _"Ah yes... that," Yuuri says on a soft exhale._

 _"You've been pretty tight lipped on the subject so far..." I press slightly, hoping against hope for the answer I've been longing for._

 _"I have," he replies. "It's never felt like the right time to talk about it. After everything that's happened it's never felt like I really_ can _talk about it, just in case I jinx myself."_

 _"It sounds like there should be a 'but' at the end of that," I press again. My heart is in my throat, my pen poised and I'm hanging off his every word. I might be about to get the story that every journalist balls deep in the figure skating world would sell out their grandmothers to get but at the same time it might be cruelly snatched away at the very last second._

 _"But I guess now that I'm retiring I don't need to worry," he finishes with a smile and my heart all but stops. Oh my god, this is actually happening!_

 _"So let's talk about it," I say, my voice more breath than word from my nerves. This is really happening. I am getting to hear this. The story that everyone has speculated over for years, I get to be the first person to actually hear the truth._

 _"It's a very long and complicated story," he warns._

 _"Well I've got time if you do," I say giving him a reassuring smile._

 _Yuuri lets out a soft exhale. "I guess I'd better start at the beginning then..."_


	2. Black Ice

**Hi guys, so first proper chapter of this. As I've already been asked I'll just say this now to clear confusion, as there is no year speculated when the cannon happens (at least I don't remember) I'm going on the years of when the actual GPF was held in Barcelona (ie 2015) and going from there :) hope you all enjoy :D**

 _So it all started back in the middle of the 2016-2017 season. Viktor had just come back from taking gold at Skate America and I had taken silver at the NKH Trophy, which made my parents very proud. I was living with Viktor in St Petersburg at that point and we were both taking some well deserved down time between our respective competitions and the Grand Prix Final. Both of us had advanced from our respective wins and we had just over a week before we had to fly out to Marseille for the final..._

* * *

"Are you sure you're not too tired," Viktor teased as he threw me a towel. We'd been at the rink practising long after everyone else had finished and we were the only two left there. "I mean I know you have inhuman stamina but still."

"Oh I can go all night," I replied, wiping the sweat from my brow. "It's you I'm worried about, old man."

"Hey less of the 'old' cheeky, or I'm going to have to punish you," Viktor chuckled.

It took a moment for this to sink in before I stared up at him through narrowed eyes. "Are we still talking about practice or are we talking about sex now?"

"Take your pick," Viktor replied with a smirk.

"You're terrible." I shook my head and threw the towel back at him. He caught it expertly and stuffed into our training bad.

"But isn't that why you love me?" he asked with a grin I just couldn't resist.

"True."

He left the bag open on the bench and came to me, wrapping strong arms around my waist and pressing a long, slow kiss to my lips. "I love you so much," he told me.

"I love you too." I couldn't help the smile on my lips or the pink on my cheeks at his words. Whenever he hold me he loved me I couldn't stop myself from blushing, it was like a reflex that only he could bring out of me... still is, I suppose.

"You going to bring home that gold for me?" he asked as my fingers reached up to begin playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I'm going to try," I replied. "I've got to beat you to do that."

"I know you can," he said. "You broke my world record, didn't you?"

"I suppose..."

"There's no suppose about it Star, you did," he said. "You are a world record holding skater and nothing is going to take that away from you."

"I don't know," I chuckled, "Yurio's going to try."

"Yeah but he's twelve you can just push him over," Viktor grinned.

I chuckled. "You're terrible." I stood up on my toes ever so slightly and pressed my lips to his. He hummed contentedly into my lips and I felt it rumble through my chest, warming every single cell of my body.

"Let's get you home," he said as we pulled apart. "I want to get you out of those clothes and then into our bed."

A sinful smirk spread across my face at his words. "Viktor Nikiforov are you thinking of doing something indecent with me?" I asked. My confidence had come on in leaps and bounds from where I had been even a year before and, knowing that Viktor loved me and wanted to marry me, made me brave enough to say something like that. I never would have had the guts to say anything so bold to anyone, let alone him, before.

He leaned close so that his lips were at my ear. I could feel his breath fanning over my skin and it sent a shiver down my spine. "Yuuri, love, I'm _always_ thinking of doing something indecent with you."

"Then why don't you take me home and do something about it?" I asked. The shameless flirting was entirely for him. Even though I was more confident I wouldn't have been able to do that if there were other people around.

He took my face in both hands and pulled me into a kiss that was all tongue. A soft gasp left my lips as I completely melted into his touch. Kissing Viktor has always felt like a dream come true and every time it happens I never want it to end. He pulled away and immediately I leaned in for another without hesitation. Another was pressed to my lips but this one was more chaste, as if the first had been the promise of what was to come when we got home. He smiled at me and I could see every bit of his love for me in those beautiful eyes of his.

"Let's go home," he said simply.

"Okay," I nodded.

He went back over to the abandoned training bag and my body was already lamenting the loss. I grabbed my coat, deciding to forgo the jumper underneath it as well being hot from both practice and the kiss, and was about to put it on when Viktor stopped me.

"You're going to want your jumper on as well," he said. "It'll be cold out there."

"I'll be fine," I assured him.

"I just don't want you to catch a chill, not right before the competition," he said. "As your coach I forbid you from going outside without, at least, three layers on," he added, putting on his admonishing coach voice. "You're not allowed to get sick before the final."

"What about if I get sick _after_?" I asked cheekily as I pulled my jumper on.

"Then I'll just have to nurse you back to health."

"Will you get a uniform and everything?" I teased.

"Yuuri! So kinky!" he gasped theatrically before we both dissolved into laughter. "If that's what you want then I'm sure we can arrange that."

"I am kidding," I said, pulling my coat on.

"Shame," he mused, zipping the bag closed and pulling on his own extra layers. "I think I would look rather fetching in a sexy nurse's uniform."

"With the cap and everything?"

"You know I don't do things by halves," he said and this was true. If the start of our relationship was anything to go by it was very obvious that Viktor Nikiforov did not do anything by halves. Flying halfway around the world to find the drunk man who propositioned him, kissing me on international television at the Cup of China, putting his entire career on hold so that he could help me to further mine. No, Viktor has never done anything by halves.

"Well then how can I say no to that?" I chuckled, doing up my coat.

Viktor crossed the room to me, stopping in front of me and smiling down at me. He reached up to pull the zip on my coat a little higher as I had forgotten my scarf that morning. One final kiss was pressed to my lips. "Perfect," he said.

"What is?" I asked.

"You."

A deep blush spread its way across my cheeks. I was still a little unused to things like that. Although Viktor has always made sure to lavish me with praise (maybe he started it to make up for the quips about my weight when we first met and just never wanted to stop) there was still a part of me unwilling to take the compliment. "Shall we go?"

"Let's."

Viktor never took his eyes off me for a second as I turned the lights out in the changing room, we locked up the rink and went out to his car. Even if I wasn't looking at him directly I could feel his eyes on me, watching as if he was looking at something precious and valuable. It made heat creep up the back of my neck and my mind fill with images of what was to come when we got back home. It made my gut tighten with desire and want. Viktor has always had this pull on me, this hold over me that makes me want to give in to him in the best of ways.

My hands were shaking as I opened the car door, just think about what he had planned for me, and I think he could tell. He was nice enough not to point it out, giving me an excuse as he turned on the ignition and turned the heater up.

"Cold?"

"A little," I lied.

"I'll warm you up when we get home," he said and the feelings swirling around in my stomach only got worse.

"I'd like that," I mumbled, avoiding his gaze by looking out of the window.

"What was that?" he asked and I didn't even need to look at him to know that he was smirking. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I said I'd like you to," I said a little louder, the heat in my cheeks only burning more. I felt his fingertips against the back of my hand as he leaned over to change gear. It wasn't helping the blushing as my skin was already on fire from his words, let alone his touch, I could only imagine what he was concocting.

"You're so beautiful when you're blushing like this," he said leaning a little closer to me, his words coaxing me into looking at him. "I mean you're beautiful when you're Eros sin in skin but there's just something so beautifully endearing about seeing you blushing and writhing on a mattress beneath me."

"I could say the same about you," I told him. I was convinced that the sight of Viktor naked on the bed underneath me, panting and gasping, was the eighth wonder of the world. "Shouldn't you be paying more attention to the road?" I asked trying to take some of the heat off myself.

Viktor chuckled. "Don't worry so much love," he said. "I know these roads like the back of my hand, and besides there's no one around to worry about. We'll be fine, I promise."

"If you're sure..."

"I'm sure," he said. "Besides I can't help it; when my fiancé looks like priceless artwork how can I not stare at him."

"Viktor..." I admonished only feeling more and more embarrassed by his over the top declarations.

"I'm serious," he said, his attention flitting between me and the road ahead but the focus was definitely more on me than it should have been. "From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew that you were an angel sent down from heaven that would consume every part of me and that I would willingly let you."

"Viktor..." I said again, the embarrassment beginning to fade from my voice. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I had seen something moving out in the darkness ahead of the car's headlights. I thought I must have been wrong, that I was just seeing things because there was no other light on that stretch of road and I was worrying about how little attention Viktor seemed to be paying it.

"If I could give you the world I would," he said, his attention still more focused on me than the road. "I would take the stars from the sky to give to you if it meant that I could see your smile for the rest of my life."

"Viktor!" I shouted as I suddenly saw something small and terrified dart out in front of the car. "Break!"

Viktor's attention snapped back to the road and he hit the break but it was too late. We missed whatever it was that had run out in front of us but the road was icy from a bout of rain the day before and we must have hit a particularly bad patch. The car began to spin out of control, Viktor trying his best to bring it back to how it had been but nothing seemed to be working. He was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white and I could see the fear flashing in his eyes. My breath was tight in my chest and I gripped the door handle to try and keep myself from having a full blown panic attack, knowing that wouldn't help anything.

The car veered off the road into the low ditch by the side of it and came to a sudden, juddering halt. I was thrown forward, my head hitting the dashboard, breaking my glasses and splitting my head open. The seatbelt tightened around my chest so tight it felt as if it were bruising and pulling the middle of my body back while the rest was propelled forward. My knee hit the dashboard as well and then searing pain was coursing through my entire body but I couldn't make a sound. I wanted to scream, cry out the agony enveloping me but the world was beginning to fade and the ringing in my ears was unbearable.

"Yuuri..." I just about heard Viktor's voice over the ringing and the fuzzy static clutching my head. I wanted to answer him but I couldn't make my voice work. "Yuuri!"

Viktor began tugging at my seatbelt, desperately trying to get it open but with little success. It seemed to be jammed and the most he ended up doing was splitting his hand open trying. Of course I didn't know this at the time as I was flitting in and out of consciousness, trying to keep focused on his voice as he babbled to me. I was vaguely aware of him finally giving up (probably when he cut his hand) reaching for his phone with trembling fingers and calling for an ambulance. I listened to him speak in frantic Russian to whoever was down the phone but I didn't understand any of it. On a good day I might have done but... well, this wasn't a good day.

"Yuuri, can you hear me?" he switched back to English when he was done. I tried to answer but my voice still didn't seem to want to work and the most I could manage was a soft, pained groan. "Yuuri an ambulance is on its way, just hold on for me."

I could feel my eyes getting heavier as the fog in my brain began to envelop me. I tried to focus on his voice but I was tired and everything hurt so much. I could barely make out his face in the dark and with my fading vision it was even harder to focus on him. My body finally gave in and I let my eyes slip closed.

"Yuuri?" Viktor asked, voice filled with concern. "Yuuri!"

* * *

... _I remember lying there the dark, Viktor screaming my name and then not much else after that as I passed out before the ambulance arrived._


	3. Out Of The Woods

**Hey everybody, here's the fall out of the last chapter, hope you enjoy :) (not going to lie writing panic attacks is hard, especially when you have them occasionally)**

My eyes flickered open and the first thing that hit me was the light. Bright florescent lightabove my head and burning the back of my eyes. I was confused; I wasn't quite sure where I was or how I had got there and I was also confused about why I couldn't seem to feel anything but felt incredibly lethargic at the same time. I squinted against the light, trying to piece together what had happened to me. The last time my eyes had been open I was in almost pitch black so this was like a shock to the senses. It didn't help that I couldn't see properly because I didn't have my glasses on and that's when I suddenly remembered.

The screech of tires on ice, my own screams as the car was propelled into the ditch, my head hitting the dashboard, Viktor trying to free me from the seatbelt and then nothing. I had no idea what time it was or how long I had been unconscious and that thought only made my chest tighten even more, questions beginning to swim in my mind. Was Viktor okay? Had he been injured as well? Did I miss the final? Was Viktor able to skate if I missed it?

I could feel my breath catch in my throat and my chest tighten. It was the first panic attack I had felt coming on in a while and I wasn't prepared for it (not that I'd ever been prepared for a panic attack but this was particularly bad). All I could think about was Viktor and if he was alright. What if something happened after I had passed out and I had lost him?

My ragged breathing seemed to fill the room, I could just about hear the sound of the heart monitor I was attached to beginning to speed up. I tried to calm myself down – do all the things I remembered doing when I used to have these on a regular basis back in Detroit – but it just wasn't working. All I could think about was Viktor and if he was okay, my traitorous brain conjuring all kinds of images of him also being attached to some kind of machine.

"Yuuri?" The sound of his voice was like a lifeline in the ocean I was drowning in and I tried to sit up to see where it was coming from but everything hurt too much. "Yuuri!"

Within seconds he was at my side, the Styrofoam cup of coffee he had been holding dropped to the floor as he took one of my hands and held it so tightly it felt as if he might crush my fingers. I could feel myself beginning to relax, my breathing evening out as I processed the fact that he was here in front of me and he didn't appear to be hurt.

"I'm sorry," I said on a shaky out-breath, trying desperately to get my voice to work so that I could speak to him. I was a complete mess and I couldn't get a grip on myself.

"Oh Yuuri," he said, tears filling his eyes as he placed a hand on my cheek, "you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"I just... I thought... I..." I kept trying to start my train of thought but either my words just failed me or a new one wanted to be voiced first and I just ended up stammering. My breathing was beginning to get ragged again, the shocked realisation that Viktor was fine and that I had been worrying over nothing seeming to bring on the panic attack rather than quell it.

Viktor pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. "Breath with me," he said and I did my best to try to focus on his breath fanning across my lips. I closed my eyes too, reaching up a tentative, sluggish hand to rest it against his cheek too. Feeling him, warm and solid and there, against my hand was comforting and I could feel myself beginning to gradually calm down. _He's okay_ , I kept saying to myself over and over again. _He's alright..._

"It's okay," Viktor whispered, beginning to press kisses to my forehead, nose, cheeks as my breathing began to return to normal. "I've got you." When I was breathing normally again he pressed his lips to mine and having him kiss me made me feel safe.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as he pulled away.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said again, cradling my head in his hands in the best imitation of a hug that we could do under the circumstances. I could feel the bandage around his right hand and that, along with a few grazes on his face, seemed to be the extent of his damage. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, I just stepped outside to get some coffee."

"I thought..." _you were dead_ on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't bring myself to actually say it out loud. I shook my head. "I don't know what I thought."

"It's okay," he whispered, kissing me again. "Everything's okay."

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm fine," he assured me. "It's you I'm worried about right now."

"No I mean..."

"I know what you mean," he said. A soft sigh passed his lips and a sadness seemed to fill his eyes for a second but it was gone almost as soon as it had arrived. "I'm fine. I sliced my hand open trying to get you out but other than that I'm absolutely fine."

"I'm so glad," I said, my eyes and voice thick with tears. "I was worried that I'd lost you for a second there."

"No, I'm here," he said, kissing my lips. "I'm here now and I've got you."

We stayed like that for a good few minutes; him kneeling beside my bed and the two of us just sharing this tiny bubble of the world where it was just us before the door opening brought us both back to the real world. Viktor took hold of my hand, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back, and got to his feet. I looked over towards the door but without my glasses everything was a blur of brilliant white with the occasional splash of colour.

"Is everything okay in here?" a female voice asked in English.

"Y... yes," Viktor stammered. I so very rarely heard him stammer it was still a sound that was quite strange to my ears. "I... I'm sorry, I spilt my coffee."

"It's okay," the woman said, her voice getting closer. "It can be cleaned up, it's not a problem."

"I... I'll do that now," Viktor said. The warmth of his hand left mine and I instinctively reached out to grab it again. My eyes followed his blurred shape for a second before the shape of a blonde haired woman came into my line of sight.

"Hi Yuuri," she said, smiling down at me as she pulled a small torch out of her top pocket, "it's good to see you awake, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, I think," I said, sounding very unsure of myself. I had just had a panic attach after waking up alone in a hospital bed having been in a road accident. God only knows if I was actually okay or not.

"Okay well that's a start," she said. "My name is Dr Lenkov, do you speak Russian?" she asked, switching into Russian. I just about understood her but I knew I couldn't pull off a full blown conversation in Russian, not in the state I was in.

"A little," I replied, also in Russian but very slurred Russian.

"Okay," she said, "well I'll stick to English for now and that will make everything easier for both of us. What do you say?"

"Thank you," I said, grateful.

"I'm just going to examine your eyes, just make sure they're reacting properly and there's no damage from when your glasses broke," she said. She clicked on her torch and shone it into my eye, pushing my top lid up gently with her thumb.

"Okay," I mumbled. I tried not to blink but I could feel my eyes watering as she shone the light in one eye and then the other.

She clicked the torch off and put it back in her pocket. "Well that all looks fine to me," she said. "I'll need to do some proper checks to make sure that neither of your corneas were scratched but that can wait."

"Okay," I said. I didn't really know what to say to that. None of it felt real, I still felt like I was in some kind of dream because I couldn't even remember the last time I was in a hospital – maybe Detroit but I hadn't been the one lying in the bed then.

"Your fiancé bought a spare pair of glasses for you so let's get those on and then you can see properly," she said.

"Thank you," I said as she handed me a pair of my old glasses. Viktor must have gone home to get these... either that or he asked someone to. I slipped them on and, even thought the prescription was a little weaker than what I was used to, it was good to be able to see properly again.

"Better?" Dr Lenkov asked, smiling down at me.

"Much," I replied. It was good to have definition back. I looked over to where Viktor had finished mopping up the spilt coffee and smiled at him.

"There's my star," he said smiling back at me.

Dr Lenkov seemed to give him a disapproving look before she turned back to me, the smile was back and whatever she had been shooting Viktor's way was gone. "Shall we get you sat up and then we can talk?"

"Okay." I couldn't really think of anything else to say to her. I suppose I didn't need to because she seemed perfectly happy with the fact that I was responding to her questions, however minimal the responses were.

She slowly helped me to sit up. It was awkward and a little painful but after a lot of wiggling and trying not to put too much pressure on things she had me sitting up leaning back against the pillows. She was very pretty; with her blonde hair tied up into a bun she looked a little like Lilia, although much less stern looking – at least she didn't look stern when she was looking at me anyway.

"That's better," she said, smiling. She pulled up a chair and sat next to my bed leaving Viktor to stand awkwardly in the background. "So, firstly, let's see how much you remember."

"I remember being in the car," I say, scrunching my face up as I tried to remember. It was there, in the back of my head it was there but I still felt a little sluggish from having just woken and the morphine I assumed they were pumping me with. "We were driving home then... we hit a patch of ice and ended up crashing then I guess I passed out at some point."

"Okay that's good and you know who you are, what you do and remember when your birthday is?" she asked.

"Yuuri Katsuki; Japanese figure skater, born 29th of November," I replied dutifully.

"That's really good," she smiled. "At least we don't have to deal with memory loss."

"So what did happen to me?" I asked after a pause.

"You have mild concussion, whiplash, a fractured rib and a stable fracture to your patellar," she told me.

"W... what does that mean?" I asked. I was trying to remember way back to biology, dredging up what your patellar was but then the tiniest of twinges in my knee told me.

"It's a broken kneecap," Dr Lenkov said.

"Oh..." Kneecap injuries often were the death sentence of a skater's career. I knew all the rest of it I would recover from but that one felt like someone had just shot me.

"But," Dr Lenkov said hurriedly, obviously seeing my emotions splashed across my face, "it's a stable fracture, which mean that you won't need to have surgery and, as long as you get lots of rest, it will heal on it's own."

"Really?" My heart actually skipped at that. I could still skate... could I still skate? I knew I had to ask but I didn't want to. I tried to form the question, opening and closing my mouth a few times as I realised it just wasn't happening. The words stuck in my throat and choked me, pulling the air from my lungs and leaving me breathless. "Will I..."

"Will he still be able to skate?" Viktor asked from the corner, asking the question he knew I couldn't. That earned him a fierce glare.

"As long as you rest it," Dr Lenkov said, talking specifically to me, "and you'll have to have some physical therapy to make sure that you're one hundred percent at the end, but yes, you will be able to skate again."

"Oh thank god," I said on an elated out-breath.

"You'll have to take some time out and pull out of any competitions you're currently involved in but it will be the best thing for your recovery," she said. "If you try to put any pressure on it or do anything too strenuous then you could do more damage and probably won't ever be able to skate again."

"Okay," I said, nodding. Really all I could focus on was the fact that I _could_ still skate. Obviously I knew that she was right and I would have to pull out of the Final but that was a small price to pay.

"And you," she said, her voice hardening as she turned to Viktor, "need to think about checking the airbags in your car every so often to make sure that they actually deploy or just get a bigger car. You're both very lucky to have come out of this as unscathed as you have. Realistically that car was much to small for two men of your size and stature but you don't need _me_ to tell you that."

"No," Viktor mumbled, looking down at the floor and I don't think I'd ever seen him looking so cowed.

Dr Lenkov turned back to me, the smile back in place. "I'll give you a minute to process all of this then I'll come back later to check how you're feeling in terms of the whiplash and concussion and we can go from there. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good, thank you Doctor."

"Good," she smiled. "I'll see you later then."

She got up and left the room without a word or a fleeting glance to Viktor. The both of us just waited until she was gone, suspended in time until the door clicked closed behind her and then Viktor was by my side. Tears began streaming down his cheeks as he took one of my hands in his and pressed it to his lips. It was still only the second time I had ever seen him cry (both of them because of me apparently) so for a moment all I could do was stare.

"I'm so sorry," Viktor sobbed, his voice so faint I could barely hear him. "Yuuri, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I said, the spell broken as I realised that he needed me to comfort him just as much as I needed him. I tried to reach over with my other hand but a twinge in my ribs stopped me so I pulled the hand he was holding out of his grasp. He looked up at me with huge watery eyes and I could see the rejected hurt in them for a second before I placed my hand on his cheek. I wiped his tears away as best I could with my thumb as he placed his hand on top of mine and leaned into my touch.

"No it's not," he said. "I should have been paying attention to the road."

He should have been but I knew that then wasn't the time to tell him so. "There's no point dwelling on it," I said, avoiding the subject. "It's done."

His eyes closed and his chest heaved with fresh sobs. "I'm so sorry Yuuri."

"Hey," I said smiling through my own tears, "don't cry. I'm alive and I can still skate. We're both okay."

"But..."

"Let's not dwell on it," I said. "We're both going to be alright and that's all that matters, yeah?"

"Yeah..." he replied although he sounded a little unsure. That was still an odd experience – seeing Viktor Nikiforov unsure of himself but I knew that he needed me to be the strong one. It hadn't really sunk in with me yet, although it would later than night. When visiting hours were over and I was on my own it would hit me like a truck and that panic attack I had managed to avoid would come back with a vengeance.

The only part of the whole conversation with Dr Lenkov that I had managed to take in (aside from 'you can still skate', the rest of it may as well have been white noise) was that I would have to pull out of the Final. I could feel the disappointment already beginning to creep in and settle in my heart. I had worked so hard to get to where I was. I had practically killed myself that season just to make sure that I kept up with Viktor and Yuri and, lying in that hospital bed, it all seemed like it had been for nothing.

Viktor must have been able to sense something in me change for a second because he looked up at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile that felt fake. The disappointed pain was trying to set in and take root but Viktor looked so sad and lost that I couldn't do that to him so I did the only think I could think of, the only thing I knew how to do, and lied about my feelings. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"Yuuri..." He knew I was lying now.

"I'm a little disappointed, that's all," I shrugged. "I was so ready to try and get that gold this year."

"God, I'm so sorry," Viktor said, fresh tears already making tracks down his cheeks. "This is all my fault."

"The road was icy," I said. "You couldn't have predicted for that." It felt as if the conversation was backwards – as if it should be the other way around and him comforting me – but I didn't think too much about it. I didn't want to make things any harder or more painful for either of us, not even by making jokes.

"I know but I'm such an idiot."

Silence fell, heavy and tense, around us. I didn't know what to say to that as anything I could have said would have sounded false or forced. _No you're not... Yes you are... But you're my idiot..._ Any cliché I could think of would have only served to make Viktor feel worse so I kept quiet, settling for rubbing my thumb soothingly over his cheek. I wanted to kiss him, to hold him close and never let him go as it felt as if there was a distance beginning to come between us, pulling us in different directions and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Finally he sighed. "Maybe I should pull out of the Final too."

"What?" Now that caught my attention.

"Maybe I should pull out of the Grand Prix Final as well," Viktor said again, "so I can look after you."

"Please don't," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"You don't need to," I replied. "I'm going to be here for the next few weeks until Dr Lenkov wants to let me go so you don't need to worry about me being at home on my own or anything. I know how hard you've worked for this as well so there's no point in us both missing it."

"But..."

"I want you to compete," I told him firmly. There was no point the both of us missing the competition and I knew that, after missing last year's, he desperately wanted to go back to competing.

"Are you sure?" he asked after a pause. "Because I don't mind pulling out as well if it means looking after you."

"Please don't, not on my account," I said. "I'll be fine." I slipped the hand on his cheek round to the back of his neck and pulled him forward. He took the hint and got up so that he could hug me back. It was a little awkward, me being seated and him trying not to accidentally pull out any wires, but it was what the both of us needed. Having him close and in my arms made that distance feel as if it had never been there.

"I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I whispered back.

He pulled away from the hug for a brief second so that he could place his hand on my cheek and pull me into a kiss. "I thought I might have lost you there for a second."

"You can't get rid of me that easily," I chuckled softly.

"You know it won't be the same without you there," Viktor said, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Bring me back a gold then," I said with a smile.

"Anything for you," Viktor said and pulled me into another kiss. With him there, holding me, loving me unconditionally like that, made all of my fears and doubts just melt away and I knew that we were going to be okay. That everything was going to be okay in the end; we could work through this and come out the other side stronger.


	4. Homecoming

**So I realised I fucked up, I fucked up so bad. When I was setting the genres on this something must have gone awry and I didn't notice until I kept getting reviews saying about the supernatural element. I have now fixed this, I'm sorry if anyone clicked on this expecting supernatural stuff but I hope you stick around for the rest of the story. Here's some porn to make up for it :D enjoy**

 _This is gold! This is absolute solid gold. I can't believe that I'm actually getting this interview, praise every single god I can think of. I scribble notes furiously as he talks, barely pausing, I want to get it all down and not miss a single word. Yuuri falls silent for a moment and watches me until I'm finished with my frantic shorthand. Thank god. It sounds as if this is all going to go to hell in a hand-basket and I want to make sure that we've finished with the first part of the story before we move onto the second._

 _"So," I say looking up when I'm done, "Viktor placed second in the 2016 Grand Prix Final, losing to Russia's other favourite Yuri Plisetsky."_

 _"Yeah I don't think either of them were particularly happy about that," Yuuri says, a wry smile playing at his lips._

 _"What makes you think that?" I ask._

 _"Well Viktor obviously because he lost to Yurio who, on top of being nearly half his age, was rumoured that he was going to replace him as Russia's new star," Yuuri replies._

 _"I think one of my colleagues actually started that rumour," I murmur but it's loud enough for him to hear and he snorts softly._

 _"You have no idea how much grief that rumour caused during our 'still competing' years," he says._

 _"Sorry," I say. I don't know why I'm apologising – I wasn't the one who started it – but I'm not really sure what else to say to that, move on swiftly I suppose. "So why do you think Plisetsky wasn't happy with the win?"_

 _"Viktor wasn't at his best that year," he replies. "Whether it was worrying about me or guilt eating him up or whatever it was he wasn't on top form and I suppose, to Yurio, that felt like a hollow victory."_

 _"Understandable," I say. "If you think you're going to get competition out of Viktor Nikiforov and then beat him easily because he's distracted of course you're going to be annoyed about it."_

 _"Exactly."_

 _"I'm assuming everything all began to kick off when they returned home?" I ask._

 _"Yes," Yuuri replies. "I was still in hospital, the doctors not wanting to discharge me while there was no one at home but I wasn't alone in hospital all the time."_

 _"Who came to visit?"_

 _"My sister, Mari, flew over for a few days but couldn't stay for too long," he says. "Because I'd had to pull out Phichit was now in the line-up so he was in France along with the rest of them. Georgi Popovich stayed behind as he wasn't competing so I wouldn't be alone. He came and sat with me a lot, we put the skating on the TV and he graded everyone really harshly on their outfits to make me laugh. Mila stayed behind an extra few days as the Women's Final didn't start till later. It was nice to have them there." I'd heard that the Russian skaters had adopted him into the fold so it's nice to know that it wasn't just when Viktor was around._

 _"Let's talk about when Viktor and co returned from the competition," I say, trying to get things moving again._

 _"Okay," he nods. "This is likely to get graphic by the way," he warns._

 _"What kind of graphic?" I ask, privately thinking that anything involving Yuri Plisetsky is going to be graphic. I interviewed him once, last year, and was told to cut half of the article because it was practically punctuated with swearing._

 _"Sexually," Yuuri says matter-of-factly._

 _"Oh..." Immediately my mind conjurers up images of him and Viktor naked and writhing around on a mattress together. I've always known they were together and that they are both very beautiful men and (not going to lie here) I've occasionally though about the two of them getting hot and heavy to help myself out but actually hearing it first hand. All the blood seems to want to rush to my face, probably to start gushing out of my nose, but I keep my face the professional mask it has been so far. "By all means," I say, the only indication that I'm anything other than professional being my voice is a little more cracked than before, "get as graphic as you like."_

 _He chuckles. "Okay..."_

* * *

"Mr Katsuki," one of the nurses said, poking her head round the door of my hospital room. I was just sitting in bed, watching the news so I welcomed the distraction and turned off the TV.

"Yes?"

"You have a visitor," she said.

My heart leapt at the words. I knew that Viktor's plane had landed, he had sent me a text to tell me that they had and that he would come and see me as soon as he had sorted out things at home. I couldn't stop the smile from spreading over my face. I'd missed Viktor so much and to be able to hug him and kiss him again was what I wanted more than anything else in the world right then. "Great," I said, "send them in."

"Okay," the nurse smiled before disappearing.

I heard her say something to whoever she had bought with her, probably telling them they could come in, before the door opened again. My heart was pounding in my chest at the prospect of seeing Viktor again, but his wasn't the face that greeted me when the door was pushed back.

"Yo, Piggy."

"Yurio!" I was surprised, there's no denying that. Out of everyone who had just come back from France I hadn't expected him to be the first to come and visit me. He still looked as formidable as ever, even with the braids in his hair and the fact that he still hadn't grown much taller. He clicked his tongue as he pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Don't call me that," he grumbled.

"Sorry," I said. I couldn't help smiling at him, noticing his medal hanging proudly around his neck. Despite his reputation for being a bit rough around the edges Yuri Plisetsky is actually a sweetheart (he won't thank me for saying that but it's true).

"S'okay," he mumbled, looking away.

"How was the flight?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I slept," he replied. "Mila was being all gross and gushing about how pretty that Italian girl is, Yakov was already talking about next season and Viktor was being annoying so I slept."

"Well you've been working really hard so you probably needed it," I said, feeling like the older brother again (I didn't really want to put myself in the role of 'dad', that would have made me feel so old).

"I guess," he said with another shrug. "Viktor been in yet?"

"Um..." My smile faltered for a second and the emptiness I felt at night when I woke up and realised I was without Viktor began to creep in again. "No."

"Oh..." He sounded genuinely surprised by that and he even looked a little hurt and indignant on my behalf.

"He's probably just gone to check on Makkachin," I said. "I assured him Georgi was taking care of things whenever he sent texts but you know what he's like."

"Over dramatic?" Yuri offered with a grin.

"Well..." He wasn't wrong. Viktor had always been well known for his theatrics and over the top reactions, especially when it comes to Makkachin.

"Popovich better have fed my cat or I'll be pissed," he muttered darkly.

"She is fine too," I laughed. "Georgi has been showing me pictures of both of them to keep my spirits up."

"Good," Yuri mumbled, a blush creeping across his cheeks. "Didn't like to think about you being here on your own."

"I haven't been, don't worry," I said. "I've been watching the skating on TV and that's been nice."

His face lit up at that. "Did you watch me?"

"Of course I did," I replied. "You were brilliant."

The blush deepened. "Thanks."

"I'm so proud of you for getting gold again," I said.

"Thanks," he said and the Russian Punk image seemed to fade away and, in a rare moment of openness, I got to see him for what he really was: a sixteen year old who is proud of himself and is happy to hear that he's done a good job. I reached over and give his hair a gentle ruffle. He batted my hand away and glared. "Don't mess up the braids."

"Sorry," I said, trying my best not to laugh.

"Viktor's been a giant piss-baby since he lost," he said.

"Oh?"

"Just giving you forewarning for when he _finally_ comes to see you."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't the same without you there," Yuri said after a pause.

"What?"

"The Grand Prix," he clarified. "It wasn't the same without you being there."

"Well I'm sure no one got drunk and tried to pole dance," I laughed. I still didn't remember that night but I'd been told enough and seen enough pictures to know most of what happened.

Yuri scrunched up his face. "Giacometti tried but no one seemed to want to join him aside from Douche-face Leroy and after that I felt obliged to leave. I didn't want to see that so I went to hang out with Otabek."

"You spend a lot of time with him, don't you?" I observed.

"Shut up, no I don't," Yuri scowled. "He's just... he's my friend and I like hanging out with him."

"There's nothing wrong with that," I said. "In fact hold on to it. If you find someone you want to spend time with then enjoy it."

"Like you and Viktor?" he asked. "But less gross," he added for good measure.

"Sure," I replied with a grin.

A silence fell between the two of us for a second, Yuri fiddling with the ribbon of his medal, twisting it around his fingers and me just watching him. He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't know how to put it into words and I was content to wait for him to find them so I didn't push. Eventually he gave up trying and got to his feet.

"I gotta go," he said. "I told Yakov I wouldn't be too long and I don't really want to hang around for Viktor to get here. I've had to see enough of his giant forehead for now, I need a break from it."

"And you want to go see you cat," I smiled at him.

"Yeah," he mumbled. He stopped for a second, that look on his face again – like he wanted to tell me something important but didn't know how to say it.

Suddenly he leaned over and wrapped his arms around me. The angle was a little awkward because I was still sitting in a hospital bed but it was nice all the same. I hugged him back, pulling him close, letting him squeeze me tightly.

"Thank you for coming to see me," I said. "I'm so proud of you."

"Get better soon okay," he said so quietly his voice was barely above a whisper. "We all miss you."

"I will, I promise," I told him.

He let go and left, turning at the door once more to flash me a grin before disappearing, and I was left alone. I smiled to myself. Having Yuri come to visit was unexpected and lovely. The two of us had been growing closer over the last year but this was the first indication he had given that he actually liked me rather than tolerated my being in Russia. That had a smile on my face for a good half an hour after he had left.

A few hours later a different nurse poked her head around my door again to say I had another visitor. This time I was sure that it was going to be Viktor (mostly because he had sent me a text to say that he was coming over). All that excitement I had felt the first time was still there; the pounding heart, the expectation, the need to feel Viktor in my arms. When I saw him walk through the door it was like the first time I ever saw him all over again – he was (and still is) the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on.

"Viktor!" I gasped as I saw him, a huge smile spreading over my face. Even though I knew it was going to be him it still hit me like a jolt.

"There's my star," he said smiling at me. "How're you doing?"

I wanted to get out of bed and run to him but I still wasn't allowed to put pressure on my knee so I just sat and beamed at him. My eyes filled with tears as he crossed the room, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a kiss. Feeling his lips against mine after all that time apart was amazing and I could feel the tears beginning to make tracks down my cheeks. He kissed me until we were both breathless and even then, when he pulled back, he pressed kisses to my forehead, cheeks and nose.

"I missed you," I sob softly, clinging to the back of his coat. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," he said. "I hated being apart from you, knowing that you were stuck here and there was nothing I could do about it."

"Doesn't matter, you're here now."

"I am," he said, "and I've got you. I'm never leaving you on your own again."

"I wasn't totally on my own," I said. "Georgi came and kept me company."

"Yeah he said he'd spent time with you when I popped home to check on Makkachin," Viktor said.

"I thought you might go home first," I said, "so I wasn't worried when I didn't see you sooner."

"Well, thing is, I was going to come and see you earlier," Viktor said, his perfect smile spreading across his lips, "so I called ahead and asked about visiting hours."

"Oh?"

"Then the doctor I spoke to said that, as I was back for a long time, I could take you home with me."

"Really?" I asked, a smile of my own lighting up my face.

"Yeah," he replied. "So, when I heard that, I had to go home and get everything ready for you. I didn't want to spend another night away from you."

"Me neither," I say, tightening my grip on his coat. "I missed you so, so much."

"I missed you too, my love."

"But I watched you on TV during the competition," I said.

"Oh..." The light seemed to go out of his eyes and he suddenly became very interested in the hem at the top of my hospital gown, unable to meet my eye.

"You were amazing," I said truthfully, "as always."

"Not quite enough to beat Yurio though," he said and he sounded so depressed that my heart ached. I wanted to be able to comfort him. I was still new to the whole being in a relationship with the man of my dreams thing so I wasn't quite sure how to go about that. In the end I said what I knew I would need to hear if the tables were turned.

"Well no," I admitted, "but second place is amazing and I'm still so proud of you."

"Yeah?" He sounded so fragile, like a child being told that they've been brave after getting an injection.

"I'm always proud of you," I assured him.

The smile was back as if it had never left, although all his usual light hadn't quite returned to his eyes yet, and he leaned forward to kiss me again. "I love you so much," he said when he pulled back.

"I love you too."

He kissed me once more before he pulled away. "Come on," he said, smiling as he picked up my bag, "let's get you back home."

"Please."

* * *

When Viktor finally pushed the front door open and helped me to hobble inside it was quite late and the both of us were exhausted. Despite the fact that the doctor Viktor had spoken to had said that they were happy for me to leave Dr Lenkov was less happy about it. There was a lot of arguing in angry Russian while Viktor and I sat there waiting to find out it I actually could go home or not (Viktor translating the bits I couldn't understand). Finally a decision was made and I was discharged. Dr Lenkov wasn't overly happy but she conceded that if Viktor was with me it would be better than if I was on my own.

In the taxi on the way home Vitkor and I sat in silence, our fingers entwined on the back seat. His thumb rubbed soothing nonsense on the back of my hand and I leaned against his shoulder, relishing his warmth next to me. I could feel myself starting to drift off, I hadn't been sleeping properly during my stay at the hospital and that was entirely due to not having Viktor there. When we stopped outside the house he had to give me a little shake and a kiss to my forehead to bring me back to full consciousness again.

As soon as the door was closed behind us Makkachin came bounding up to meet us, barking happily. Viktor stood in front of me so that I wouldn't get knocked down and do even more damage to my knee. Makkachin looked up at him, confused.

"Makkachin sit," Viktor said firmly and she did as instructed. "Good girl," he said leaning down to scratch behind her ears.

"Hey Makkachin," I said, doing the same, "did you miss me?" Makkachin barked again, clearly wanting to jump up at me, having not seen me in a while either but she dutifully stayed seated and settled for licking my hand instead. "I missed you too," I said, smiling and she leaned forward to lick my face.

"Are you hungry?" Viktor asked me, helping me to slip my shoes off before we began the task of getting to our bedroom.

"Not particularly," I replied. "I've been eating hospital food for a while and it was okay but I don't really feel like eating that much. You?"

"Not right now," he admitted.

"We can skip dinner if you want?"

"I'll make you a really huge breakfast tomorrow," he said with a grin.

"Sounds amazing."

"Do you just want to go to bed?" he asked as we slowly made our way further inside, his shoulder under my arm.

"I think so," I said, "although I would love a nice hot bath. The best I've had is a sponge bath and it was cold and awkward."

"Was the nurse at least pretty?" he chuckled.

"Well Georgi offered," I said with a laugh of my own. "I'm kidding," I told him as a mildly terrified expression crossed his face.

"Good," he said. "If anyone is going to be washing my Yuuri who isn't a medical professional, it's going to be me."

"Now that sounds like an offer I can't pass up."

Viktor took me to the bedroom, ran me and bath, helped me out of my clothes and into it. The hot water was a godsend and I could feel all of my muscles beginning to relax. I was so relaxed I barely noticed when he got in behind me. He picked up a cloth and washed my back, muttering about how beautiful I was to me as he did. I was only half listening, just relishing being back home and back in his arms again. It felt as if none of it had ever happened and the hot water even stopped my knee from twinging every so often.

Lips on my neck had me sighing contentedly, leaning my head to the side in order to give him more room. I didn't realise what he was doing until I felt his hand on my thigh under the water slowly travelling higher and higher.

"Mmm Viktor..." My breath ghosted passed my lips and I leaned back into him. Feeling his hands on me was amazing and I was already craving more even from the minimal contact. I could feel myself beginning to get hard. After this long being apart from him my body was desperate for him and I wanted to feel him against me.

"Yes star?"

"We... we should probably move this to the bed," I stammered. As much as I wanted him having sex in the bath was out of the question (no matter how stupidly large his bath was we had tried it once before and it didn't work).

"If that's what my Yuuri wants," he said, his fingertips tracing the line of my erection from base to tip.

"Oh god yes!" I moaned softly, my eyes slipping closed and relishing the feeling of him touching me.

"You wish is my command then," he said.

He got out of the bath and helped me out, wrapping one of the huge fluffy towels around me before taking me back through to the bedroom. Makkachin was curled up, sound asleep in her basket so we weren't going to be disturbed any time soon and that thought made heat pool in my stomach. Because of competitions and begin away from each other on and off since the season had started it had been so long since we had last had sex.

Once we were inside the bedroom, the door firmly closed just in case, Viktor lay me down on the mattress, neither of us particularly caring that we were both still a little wet from the bath. He loomed over me, smiling down at me before he began placing kisses up and down my neck, his hands roaming over my chest.

"V... Viktor!" I moaned, arching up into his touch. "Please..."

"How do you want to do this?" he asked between kisses. "We probably shouldn't put too much pressure on your knee. I think Dr Lenkov will have me strung up if she finds out your knee got worse from a sex injury."

"Probably," I tried to laugh but it came out as more of a strangled moan as Viktor's fingers began to tease one of my nipples.

"Then how about you stay right where you are and I'll ride you," he suggested.

My breath caught in my throat. "Th... that sounds good," I said, my voice coming out as more of a choked whisper than actual words and Viktor chuckled at my inability to hold it together. Whenever I was inside Viktor it felt as if I were the luckiest man in the world and the sight of him riding me really was something to behold.

"Then you just lie back and relax," he said before he began trailing kisses down my neck to my chest, "I'll take care of you."

My breath stuttered passed my lips and my head fell back into the pillows as hot, wet kisses were placed on my heated skin. He stopped briefly at my chest to flick his tongue over one of my nipples and I let out a strangled groan of his name. I slapped my hand to my mouth, already embarrassed about how lewd I sounded from so little stimulation.

"Don't hold it in love," he said. "I've been fantasising about the beautiful sounds you make for months now, relishing when I can hear them again and so please don't cover them up."

"O... okay," I said through my fingers. I left my hand over my mouth but my fingers spread so that the sound wouldn't be covered.

"You're so beautiful Yuuri," Viktor cooed as his kisses began to move down, over my chest to my stomach and lower. I could feel his breath, hot and heavy, against my cock and I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip as I tried to hold myself together.

"V... Viktor... oh god!" I cried as that sinful tongue of his flicked out between perfect lips to run up the length of my cock.

"Yes Yuuri?" he asked, a teasing glint in his eye.

"Please don't stop!" I moaned thrusting my hips up slightly, desperate for more of the amazing heat of his mouth.

"Well who am I to deny a request when it's begged so nicely like that."

Without another word he engulfed my cock, taking me right to the back of his throat on the first go. I cried out, my fingers twisting the sheets beneath me for something to hold onto. He began to bob his head, drawing me closer and closer into abject pleasure, and I wanted to grab onto his hair. Run my fingers through it and hold onto him for dear life. With shaking hands I reached out and sank my fingers into his hair, unable to resist the pull anymore, and the moan that sounded in his throat went straight down my cock and sent pleasure coursing through my entire body. I could feel myself getting closer and closer, having been without him for so long, but I didn't want it to end too soon.

"V... Viktor," I stammered, giving his hair a gentle tug. He seemed to get the message and pulled off my cock with the most filthy sound I'd ever heard. He looked up at me from between my legs, a slick grin plastered on his face.

"Yes star?"

"I... I..." I couldn't seem to get my words out, my voice didn't seem to want to work and it felt as if my brain had short circuited.

"Yes?" he pressed, obviously enjoying the fact that he had rendered me practically speechless.

"I want to fuck you," I finally managed to choke out.

A low groan that sounded more like a growl left his throat. "Fuck, Yuuri, do you have any idea how hot you sound when you ask that?"

I couldn't answer. My voice had decided that it was time to stop working all together, especially when Viktor reached over to the bedside table and rummaged in the top draw before he found what he was looking for – lube and a condom. I watched, completely and utterly transfixed, as he tore open the condom packet with his teeth and rolled it onto me. The tease gave my cock a few swift pumps once he was done to keep me hard (as if it was going down any time soon) before he took up the lube and squirted a generous amount onto his hand, spreading it and coating his fingers in it.

"Don't ever take your eyes off me," he said echoing my own words from last year back at me.

"As if I could," I said, my voice so strained it was barely above a whisper.

I watched as he turned, straddling my waist and spreading his legs, and pushed his backside towards me so I would have the best view. My breath stuck in my throat again and I briefly wondered if there was a chance that I was going to pass out as he slipped his hand down and pushed the first slick finger in. Both of us moaned in unison as he began to pump his finger in and out of himself.

"Oh god, Viktor," I moaned as a second finger swiftly joined the first, "you look so good like this. So beautiful."

"So do you, my Yuuri," he grinned over his shoulder, his words turning into a groan as he gave his fingers a particularly hard thrust.

I watched, hypnotised, as he added a third finger and this was without a doubt the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. There was a light sheen of sweat on his skin, a blush covering his cheeks and his mouth was hanging open in utter bliss. Seeing Viktor – _the_ Viktor – completely wrecked and fucked out because of something I had done was always a massive boost to the ego and I no longer wanted this to be a spectator sport.

I picked up the lube from where he had dropped it and squirted a generous amount onto my own hand. As I watched him finger himself open I ran my hand up and down the length of my latex covered cock, coating myself in the lube. A low groan sounded in my throat and it caught Viktor's attention as he looked over his shoulder, the look in his eyes completely broken.

"Fuck Yuuri!" he groaned. "You look so good like that, can't wait any longer, want to feel you inside me." A pulled his fingers from himself and positioned himself over my cock. Looking over his shoulder he took hold of the base and was about to sink down onto it.

"Wait!" I cried, stopping him.

"What?"

"I want to see your face."

His trademark grin spread over his lips. "Well who am I to deny that request either, I just can't say no to you."

"Like I can say no to you either," I said on a breathy chuckle.

"True," he said as he turned, straddling my hips again but now facing me. He reached behind himself and I felt him take hold of the base of my cock. Swiftly he lined himself up and sunk down onto me until he was fully seated in my lap, taking me all the way in. He felt so hot and tight that it made my head spin and the feeling of penetration made strangled moans sound in both of our throats.

Either it didn't take Viktor very long to adjust to the feeling or he didn't want to wait because he began to thrust his hips up and down, riding me. His pace was hard, fast and desperate and I wasn't sorry for that. I had no idea just how frustrated I had been since the start of the season but everything was coming out now. I began to thrust my hips up into him, matching his pace, determined to bring him to the edge before I came.

I grabbed his hips, using them as leverage so that I could get as deep as I possibly could, my eyes never leaving his face for a second. Changing the angle of my thrusts slightly had me slamming into his prostate and he practically screamed. He let his head hang backwards, exposing the beautiful column of his neck and I just had to have a taste. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my arms going to wrap around Viktor's frame, pulling him close and planting kisses all over his neck. Teeth and tongue also joined the fray and Viktor was a panting, moaning mess in my arms.

As we fucked one of my hands, the one still covered in lube, snaked in between our bodies and wrapped around his cock. I began to pump him, matching our thrusts, and he grabbed my shoulder with his sticky hand, nails digging into the skin, while his clean hand sunk into my hair. I let him pull his head up so that he could kiss me, a kiss that was all tongue and passion and I could feel just how close he was, just how desperate he was.

"Yuuri..." he gasped, pulling away from my lips for a brief second in order to speak, "I'm close, I'm close, oh god I'm so fucking close."

"Cum for me Vitya," I murmured against his lips before pulling him back down into another kiss and fucking up into him as hard as I could.

A few more thrusts and I felt him still in my arms before something warm and sticky covered my chest. He moaned into my mouth as he came and tightened around me so much, to the point that my vision began to fade. He was so tight and so hot and him babbling praise and affirmations into my ear as I gave one final thrust was what pushed me over the edge and I exploded inside the condom.

We stayed like that, holding on to each other, our bodies slick with sweat and panting as if having skated a particularly hard routine, for a good few minutes before Viktor pulled back to press kisses to every inch of my face he could. Neither of us said anything, we just held each other and everything felt perfect. It was as if the accident had never happened and I hadn't just come out of a long stint in hospital.

"I should probably run us another bath," Viktor chuckled.

"Probably," I agreed. "As much as I want to fall asleep right now, we probably shouldn't."

"For one thing you're still inside me," he chuckled. "I should probably make sure that we didn't jolt your knee either." On shaking legs he pushed himself up and the heat of his body was gone.

"It doesn't hurt or anything, " I said. I was already lamenting the loss of his warmth and I just wanted him back in my arms. I could feel an unease begin to creep into my chest. He always hung around more after we had sex (Viktor's very clingy, especially after an orgasm) and the fact that he was already, nearly halfway to the door made my heart ache. "Viktor..."

"Don't worry star, I won't be long," he said turning to smile at me. That radiant smile helped to warm away the chill that seemed determined to settle inside me.

"Okay," I said, my voice small and anxious.

He crossed the room to me and tilted my chin up so that he could press a kiss to my lips. It was softer and a lot more chaste than the ones we had just been sharing but it was no less passionate and filled with every bit of love he had for me.

"I love you," he told me as he pulled away.

"I love you too," I replied, a smile spreading over my lips.

"I'll go and run this bath, get you cleaned up and relaxed and not give your doctor any more reasons to hate me," he chuckled, linking his fingers with mine.

"Okay," I said, this time sounding a lot less worried. Everything was fine. Why wouldn't it be?

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and left the bedroom. I lay back against the mattress, almost too tired to move (I couldn't really put weight on my knee so I couldn't really go anywhere on my own, all I could do was lie down). I stared at the ceiling for a moment. Now that Viktor was gone the unease, the feeling that something was a little off, beginning to creep back into my heart. I shook my head and sat up to remove the condom. I knew that I was being stupid – _Viktor loves you, you're just over thinking things_ – that it was just my anxiety talking, there was nothing for me to be worried about and, like an idiot, I ignored it.


	5. In The Clear

**Hey everyone, have some more porn for your weekend, things are starting to get interesting now, hope you enjoy :D**

I had to have physical therapy, a lot of physical therapy so that I could go back on the ice without accidentally landing funny and damaging my knee beyond repair. It took a lot for me to be able to walk on my own, unassisted, but Dr Lenkov seemed to be happy with the progress that I made every time I saw her. She never seemed to warm up to Viktor and, for the most part, ignored him when we had the sessions (maybe the bedside manner only stretched as far as me). She pushed me to my absolute limit during most of the session but she was always very nice to me, praising me for how far I had come in such a short space of time.

I wanted to get back on the ice as fast as possible so I made sure to do everything that she told me. I pushed myself during the session but I made sure to tell her when it was too much. This time I didn't need to be stubborn, I knew that I needed to be honest with her because if she found out that I wasn't telling her something and ended up doing more damage then she'd never sign me off to go back to the rink.

All in all it took me a good three months before she felt as if I was ready. I had been ready since I could stand on my own but there was no way that she would have let me go then. I had to prove that there were certain things I could do without ending up in agony before she would sign me off but, finally, I came out of my last physical therapy session with her blessing to go back to the rink the following day.

The excitement thrummed through me that evening, knowing that I was going back to the rink the next day and I was actually allowed to skate. I had been a few times with Viktor but all I had been able to do was sit and watch from the sidelines and it sucked. Viktor and Yuri has always been leagues ahead of me and Mila was in her own division but seeing them all getting better while I was being left behind was the worst. I knew I had to make up for lost time and I would have to push myself to get back into the swing of it.

When Viktor took a year out to coach me he slipped back into competitive skating as if he were slipping on a old forgotten jacket that still fit like a glove. I knew I was going to have a bit more work to do. For one thing I had been trying to eat as healthily as I could because I put weight on so easily and without being able to regularly exercise I had already felt it begin to creep up on me again. It would drop off easily when I got back onto the ice, I knew it would, but it wasn't helping much with my self confidence.

Pushing open the doors of the rink, seeing the mist floating on top of the ice, was like a religious experience and I was so ready to get back out there. All I could do was stare in awe for a moment, just marvelling at the beauty of it. I felt Viktor's lips at my neck, pressing a brief kiss to it and I turned to see him smiling at me.

"You ready to start training again star?" he asked.

"Oh yeah."

We were the first people there that day and as the rest of them began to filter in I knew they were watching me as I made my way across the ice. Mila and Georgi cheered me on loudly, Yakov looked happy to see me back and I even saw Yuri crack a smile when I landed one of my simpler jumps. Everything was going really well until I tried to attempt a flip – I just tried for a triple – attempting a quad on my first day would have been stupid – and ended up falling flat on my backside.

I lay there on the ice, staring up at the ceiling for a moment, the depression already beginning to creep in and make it impossible for me to move. I could hear everyone scrambling from the sidelines, desperate to get to me to see if I was hurt. I wasn't hurt (at least I didn't feel as if I was) but I could already feel tears beginning to prick the corners of my eyes, that little voice in the back of my head that only came out when I was at my lowest rearing its ugly head.

 _You're a joke._

 _Of course you couldn't just get back out on the ice and pick up where you left off._

 _You're not Viktor._

 _It will take you ages to catch up to the rest of them._

 _Failure!_

"Yuuri!" Viktor's face appeared in my line of vision and he looked almost ethereal with the artificial light haloing his head. "Yuuri are you alright?"

The self loathing was suddenly replaced by anger and I pushed myself to sit up. "I'm fine," I replied huffily. "Let's go again."

"Wait," Viktor told me, placing a hand on my shoulder to keep me down as I tried to push myself up, "you should let me check you out to make sure you're not hurt."

"Nothing hurts," I told him. "Can we just carry on?"

"But Yuuri..."

"I said I'm fine," I told him firmly. The tears were threatening again and he must have noticed because he took hold of my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

"Come take a break with me," he said softly.

"Fine," I mumbled. I couldn't be bothered to continue arguing with him. The fight had gone out of me and it was just replaced with that sinking sadness again.

He helped me to my feet and we left the ice, heading for the changing rooms. I caught Yuri's eye as we left and he gave me a small, sad smile that was so full of pity I felt like my heart might break. I smiled back but I knew it didn't reach my eyes as I let Viktor hand me my skate guards and drag me off to the changing rooms. He sat me down on one of the benches and locked the door to make sure that we had some privacy before turning to me.

"What's going on Yuuri?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I countered with a question of my own.

"Don't give me that," he said. "I know there's something."

"There isn't," I replied.

"Yuuri please don't be stubborn," he said and I could hear the exasperation in his voice. "I want to help."

I sighed. "I know you do but there's nothing you can do."

"There must be something," he said. "I'm your coach and your fiancé, I must be able to do something to help you."

"I don't need anything," I said, my eyes firmly fixed on the tiny space of floor between my skates. "It was just a fall."

"Yes but Dr Lenkov said that one fall could possibly be enough to set you back months and you'd be off the ice again," Viktor said.

"I know," I huffed. I was a mess of emotions, flipping between anger, self loathing and trying to fight the desperate urge to cry. My backside was throbbing from where I had landed on it, having tried not to land on my front in case I damaged my knee even more.

"Then why are you pushing yourself so hard?" Viktor asked. "It's only your first day back, you shouldn't have been attempting jumps like that on your first day in case something like this happened."

"Yeah well I have to push myself, don't I?" I snapped. "Otherwise I'll never catch up to the rest of you."

"That's what you're worried about?" he asked with a wry laugh that only served to enrage me more. "You've only had a few month off, you're haven't fallen that far behind."

"I'm nowhere near where the rest of you are. Yurio's leagues ahead of me," I mumbled. What I needed right then was Viktor to come and hug me but for some reason he was still standing by the door. That distance between us that felt as if it had been growing more and more ever since the accident was only widening with time.

"Yuuri even _I_ can't keep up with Yurio," Viktor said and there was a hint of bitterness in his voice at that. "Don't ever tell him I told you this but his youth is his greatest strength right now because he has so much more energy and can bounce back more easily from falls."

"There's still the rest of you..."

"You're worrying too much," he said. "I'm not getting any younger so things take more time for me, Mila is in a league of her own, you don't have to worry about her, and Georgi is hardly competition."

I suddenly felt righteously angry on Georgi's behalf – he had been the one who was there for me the most when I would have been alone in hospital for all that time. I glared up at Viktor. "He's a better skater than you give him credit for."

He sighed. "All I meant was that he's never made it to the final. He's an incredible skater but you _have_ made it to the final, three times in fact."

"I suppose so," I mumbled, all the fight going out of me again and leaving me with this hollow sadness. I didn't fight the tears this time and they began to make steady tracks down my cheeks. I looked down at the floor so he wouldn't see.

"Yuuri you'll catch up," he said, "I know you will. You're my star; you'll get back into the swing of it, you just don't need to do it all today."

"But I need to get back to where I was so I can get better," I sobbed softly. "I want to be in the same league as the rest of you."

"And you will be," Viktor said pushing himself off the door and coming to sit beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. That was what I had needed since the beginning and I hugged him back so tightly it felt as if I wouldn't let go.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed as he began to slowly stroke my hair. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble."

"Don't be sorry," he whispered. "You're no trouble."

"I just don't want you to think that coaching me is a waste of time," I said, my voice so quiet I was surprised he even heard me.

He took my face in his hands and wiped away my tears with his thumb. "Yuuri, nothing about you is a waste of time for me. Please believe me when I say that. I would never think of you as a waste of time. I love you."

"I love you too."

He kissed my lips softly and all the anxious tension coiling within me began to drain away, leaving me tired. I hugged him back and allowed him to calm me. That was all I needed – I just needed Viktor to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. I knew it was silly but having him tell me how much he loved me always made me feel more at ease, just knowing that calmed the anxiety that always threatened to overcome me.

We stayed like that for a good ten minutes before he pulled back and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Shall we go back out?"

"Yes please," I replied, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I hoped it wasn't too obvious that I'd been crying but my eyes felt sore so it probably was.

"You promise not to push yourself too much for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Okay," I mumbled.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again," he said and brushed my fringe out of my eyes before pressing another kiss to my forehead.

"I won't," I promised even though I knew that as soon as I saw Yuri, Mila and Georgi I would want to begin pushing myself again. I think he knew this as well.

"Do you want to do some pair skating with me this afternoon?" he asked as he pulled me to my feet.

My heart leapt. The idea of being close to Viktor all afternoon warmed me more than I could say. "Yes please." I hugged him tighter, as if I would never let go, and I felt his lips pull up into a smile against my skin.

"Then let's go," he said before giving me one final kiss and leading me out of the changing room, back to the rink.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon was spent pair skating with Viktor. It felt good to be able to be close to him the entire time and it was a big help for my knee to be able to lean on someone occasionally. It didn't hurt that much but I was very wary of it. I knew that Viktor was right when he said that I shouldn't push myself and I knew that Dr Lenkov would have a fit is she knew that I had fallen but looking after yourself in theory and in practice are two very different things. I was stubborn and thought that I should be able to just fall back to where I was after taking the time off (and can you blame me after seeing Viktor basically do the same thing a year ago).

When we finally got home that evening the both of us were exhausted. I knew Viktor was still reeling a little from my outburst in the changing rooms and I wanted to do something to make it up to him so I cooked. I made us katsudon and it was, once again, as if none of it had ever happened. It seemed to be the way things went – everything would be fine but then there would be something that would serve as a glaring reminder before things went back to how they had always been.

He was standing in front of the mirror, putting on some moisturiser and clad only in his boxers, when I came up behind him and slipped my arms around his waist. He turned his head slightly and pressed a kiss to my forehead before continuing but I wasn't going to stop there. One of my hands slipped down, passed the waistband of his boxers and in between his legs to give his cock a slow stroke, coaxing it into becoming hard.

"Ah Yuuri," he sighed softly, leaning into my touch.

"Yes?" I asked innocently, as if what I was doing was perfectly normal.

"Are you intending to finish what you're starting?" he asked.

"Of course," I replied, a teasing grin beginning to pull at the corners of my lips.

"Well then," Viktor said and he quickly washed the remains of the moisturiser off his hands and dried them on a nearby towel before turning to face me, "with an offer like that how can I possibly say no."

He sunk his fingers into my hair, massaging my scalp and pulled me into a searing kiss. His lips on mine felt amazing – as if the fight between us this afternoon had never happened – and I meted into the kiss almost immediately. One of the hands in my hair quickly slipped down to the hem of my shirt. He began pulling it up almost as soon as it was there and I couldn't stop the soft groan that sounded in my throat as his fingers brushed my skin. Within seconds I was pulling away from his lips so he could pull it over my head.

"Viktor..." I moaned softly as he began pressing kisses to the spot just behind my ear. "Bedroom?"

"God yes!"

With our lips still attached he began to walk me back towards the bedroom. It was a little awkward and we ended up walking into the door-frame or the wall more than once but we just laughed it off and carried on kissing. Neither of us had a care in the world: Makkachin was sleeping in the other room, the fight we had earlier was all but forgotten and everything felt as if it were perfect once more.

Finally the back of my legs hit the edge of the mattress and I sank down to sit on it. I looked up at Viktor with hungry eyes before leaning forward to press kisses to the skin just above the waistband of his boxers. His hand stroked through my hair, tightening into a fist as I stopped to breathe hot air on his clothed cock.

"Yuuri..." he moaned. It sounded halfway between a warning and begging me to continue and it was the hottest thing ever.

"Yes?" I asked, that feigned innocence back in my voice again.

"Keep going." His voice was a low rumble and it sent shivers going straight down to my cock, making me twitch.

Without another word I hooked my fingers inside his boxers and pulled then down in own swift motion. His cock sprang free a few inches from my face and I could feel my mouth beginning to water and a blush spreading over my cheeks. Every time we were about to make love I always felt as if I was a delicate little virgin again (even if I very rarely showed it). There was just something about Viktor – this power he had over me – that made me completely intoxicated by him. I swallowed my nerves, opened my mouth and took his cock all the way to the back of my throat, relaxing it so that I could completely blow his mind.

The hand in my hair tightened as I began to bob my head up and down, teasing the head with my tongue when I pulled back far enough. "Oh god Yuuri!"

I replied by sinking right the way down on his cock again, taking in as much of him as I could, and swallowing around him. I knew that always drove him wild and that was the plan – I wanted to completely wreck him. I could feel the dull throb in the back of my head from where he was holding my hair and it was absolutely perfect. My head was beginning to spin and I wanted him to cum down my throat.

I was suddenly pulled off his cock and, panting heavily, I looked up into his flushed, wrecked face. "God you look so good like this," he panted, gasping for breath and I could guess how I did look. Face flushed, pupils blown, my lips slick with saliva and swollen from use. "Just looking at you right now is almost enough to make me cum."

"What's stopping you?" I asked. "You could cum on my face if you want."

He leaned over and removed my glasses, folding them carefully and placing them down on the bed next to me. "With an offer like that, how could I possibly say no to it?"

I leaned forward again, taking his cock in my mouth and working my tongue along the underside. His hands found my hair again very quickly, grabbing fistfuls of it and using that leverage to gently guide my head up and down. His hips began to thrust up to meet my mouth and I could tell that he was already close. As he continued to fuck my face one of my hands slipped down into my boxers to begin stroking my own cock. It was all too much, too hot and the feeling of Viktor, hot and heavy, in my mouth coupled with my own hand was enough to push me closer and closer to the edge as well and I moaned loudly around him.

"God Yuuri, you're perfect," he gasped as the sound vibrated through him. "So hot, so beautiful, my perfect Yuuri."

The praise made my head spin and my hand speed up. I wanted to make him cum before I did so I took him right to the back of my throat again and swallowed around him. The hands in my hair tightened, pulling at the strands and it sent another moan ripping from my throat again. Viktor pulled me off his cock, holding my in place with one hand while the other gave his cock a few quick pumps before he reached his peak.

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, my hand still working my own cock as I felt his cum hit my face. It only took a few more stokes after that and I came as well, painting my chest in white, panting heavily. I opened my eyes to see the blurry outline of Viktor staring down at me, the hand in my hair now petting rather than pulling. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and pull me close, like he always did after we both came, but the hand in my hair was suddenly gone and I could make out his shape beginning to leave.

"Viktor..." I called after him and even I could hear the desperation in my voice.

"I won't be gone long star," he said. "I'm just going to get a flannel to clean you up."

 _Forget it, just use a tissue and come back here_ , I wanted to say but I couldn't seem to make the words leave my mouth so I just cast my eyes down to my hands. "Okay."

"Hey," Viktor said and I looked up at his blurry shape again. "I love you."

"I love you too," I said but something felt hollow about it. I loved Viktor more than anything in the world but I just couldn't seem to make it sound convincing when I said it. Maybe I was just imagining things and maybe he didn't notice in the slightest but I could feel it – this emptiness creeping into my bones and weighing me down.

"I'll be back in a second," he said.

"Okay," I nodded and smiled at him, trying to sound like my usual carefree self. The smile felt very forced but I don't think Viktor noticed as the next second he was gone and I was left with this tearing hole inside me that was threatening to get bigger and bigger with every passing second. I was sure it had never been like this before but maybe I was imagining things. Anxiety has always hit me when I've least expected it and it's always been when I think things are going too well and, before all of this started, everything between me and Viktor had been perfect.

* * *

 _"So what did you do?" I ask, hanging off his every word._

 _"Nothing," he says with a resigned sigh. "I should have talked to him about it but being open about my anxieties and feelings and things like that with someone who wasn't my sister was still really new to me so I didn't."_

 _"What happened next?" I ask. I can feel where this is going. I know what happened at the 2017 Grand Prix Final – everyone does – but no one really knows why and I'm finally about to find out._

 _"Well from there it only went from bad to worse..."_


	6. I Don't Have To Make This Mistake

**Hey guys, thought I'd upload this before I went to work, hope you enjoy it :)**

The fights began. After that first day of training they began to get more and more regular. Usually it was nothing more serious that one of us snapping at the other but sometimes things got quite heated. It was always about me pushing myself too hard during practice, especially if I ended up falling as a result of it. The fights never lasted; they would start, peak and then we would both apologise and go back to how things were. It probably wasn't the best way to deal with it but it was the first time we had ever really fought as a couple and neither of us really knew how to deal with it. We were both so new to actually _being_ a couple fighting as one wasn't something that we had envisaged happening for a while.

We were both very stubborn so it took at lot to get one of us to back down. I was especially stubborn because every time I found I couldn't do something but saw Yuri doing it effortlessly I berated myself. Realistically I knew I shouldn't have – Yuri was nearly ten years younger than me, of course he was going to find jumps, sequences and recovering a lot easier. I always felt like such a failure and Viktor noticed but he wasn't fantastic at building up my confidence when he was exasperated with me.

One night, about a week after Yuri turned sixteen, Viktor and I had our worst fight ever. We had been at the rink all day, the both of us were tired, I was irritable and I had had a particularly nasty fall in the afternoon but I had refused to stop. Neither of us said anything to each other on the journey home and I could tell that Viktor was just as fuming as I was. He slammed the door behind him a little harder than usual and I could tell that he was ready to shout out some aggression but I didn't want to hear it.

"I'm going for a shower," I muttered darkly and went to head for the bathroom when he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"We need to talk," he growled.

"Let go of me Viktor," I snapped.

"Not until we talk," he said.

"I don't want to talk," I told him.

"Well maybe you fucking should!" That surprised me. He very rarely ever swore at me (aside from when we were having sex) and it shocked me into turning to face him.

"Then talk," I said, my voice instantly hardening as I was on the offensive.

"Why do you keep pushing yourself so hard in practice?" he asked.

"Because I need to catch up," I replied. That should have been obvious, we had been over this (many times in fact) but for whatever reason he just wasn't getting it. "I need to be able to catch up on the time I missed if I want to make it to the Final this year."

"And you think pushing yourself until you fall is going to do that?" he asked.

"If I have to, yes."

"My god Yuuri, do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?" he asked, exasperated.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to try and catch up after being away?" I asked.

"Actually yes I do," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "I took a year out so I could coach you remember?"

"I never asked you to do that!"

"As I remember correctly, you did."

"I was drunk out of my mind!" I cried in exasperation. "And even if I did remember that actually happening I didn't honestly think you were going to go through with it."

"Well that's not what we're really arguing about here, is it?" Viktor asked. "We're talking about you pushing yourself way too hard. You're going to damage yourself beyond repair if you carry on like this. If Dr Lenkov knew what you were doing she'd hit the roof."

"Because you'd love it if she agreed with you on something," I snapped. "Then you could stop feeling like she hates you, which she does." I didn't mean that (I mean, it was true but I didn't mean it). I was angry and I couldn't stop what was coming out of my mouth; it was rage fuelled and designed to hurt.

"That's really not the point," Viktor growled. "Look will you stop being so fucking stubborn and listen to me for once."

"I'm waiting for you to have something of value to say," I said.

Viktor scoffed, clearly hurt. "Wow... that's petty, even for you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you can be quite the nasty little bitch when you want to be." He was giving as good as he was getting. Neither of us meant what we were saying, not in the slightest, but we were both angry and very stubborn. We wanted to hurt each other and, as this was the first proper fight we'd ever had, shining a huge spotlight on each other's insecurities was the best way we knew how. I was half expecting him to bring my weight into it at some point.

"Yeah well it takes one to know one," I said but there was a little less venom behind my words than there had been. In truth I hadn't expected Viktor to rise to the bait I was dangling in front of him but he was.

He sighed. "You can't keep taking these risks with your health. What if you end up having to pull out of another competition?"

"Well then at least you won't have to feel guilty about beating me," I said.

He placed his head in his hands and groaned angrily into his fingers. "My god, I can't believe we're still doing this. I would have pulled out of the competition!"

"I didn't ask you to!" I shot back.

"Yes but you wanted me to," he said. "You might not have said it but you wanted me to."

"No!" I cried. "That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted us to go together because I stupidly thought that I could finally face you on equal ground."

Whether he meant to or not he snorted with derisive laughter.

"What?" I asked, fury spiking again.

"No, nothing," he replied shaking his head.

"No, you've clearly got something to say so say it."

"I'd hardly say you and I are on equal ground," he said. "Come back to me when you've actually won a gold."

"Well maybe that's a reflection on the state of my coaching."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing heavily and clearly trying not to completely lose it with me, even though I would have completely deserved it if he had. "Look," he said finally, "the doctor told you to pull out of the competition for the good of your health."

"And if you had been paying attention to the road, like you should have been, then I wouldn't have had to," I snapped.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wished I could take them back. Viktor suddenly seemed to deflate. He looked up at me, his usually so expressive eyes suddenly looked hollow and empty, as if he might cry and I instantly felt mine filling with tears. I slapped my hand over my mouth, horrified at what I had just said.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that."

"No..." he said softly, all the fight completely gone out of him. "No you're right, this is my fault."

"No it wasn't," I said grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. "There was ice on the road, that couldn't be helped."

"But if I was paying attention then I might have been able to avoid it," he said.

I could feel him slipping away from me. The distance that had been threatening ever since I woke up in hospital was there, only now it felt bigger than ever. I clung to his hand in the faint hope that I wouldn't lose him; if I was touching him then he wouldn't suddenly disappear. Tears were falling down my cheeks and I was having flashbacks from that car park during the Cup of China two years ago.

"Please..." I sobbed but I didn't know what I was asking for. Him to forgive me? Him not to leave me? Not to give up on us? I knew it was all unwarranted worrying, as far as I was aware it was just an argument. We could bounce back from this. I reached up and clung to the front of his shirt, burying my face in his chest. "Viktor... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't mean any of that I was just angry."

There was a longer than necessary pause before he place both of his hands on my shoulders and for a brief moment I thought that he was going to push me away. That only made me cry harder, tears streaming and ugly sobs racking my chest. Finally I felt his arms around me, his hand in my hair stroking it gently.

"Hey," he said softly, "it's okay."

"No it's not," I sniffed. "I didn't meant any of that."

"I know you didn't," he said and kissed my forehead.

"I shouldn't have been so horrible, I was just angry."

"I know, I was too," he said. "I'm sorry too, I didn't mean what I said either."

"I love you," I sobbed.

"I love you too."

"I'm so sorry." Now that the floodgates had opened I couldn't stop crying and apologising. I had never had a fight like this with anyone before and I didn't know what I was supposed to do to stop him from just walking out and leaving.

A hand on my cheek made me look up into his face. His eyes looked a little watery as well, as if he were trying to hold back the tears as well (he was doing a much better job than I was). A smile graced his lips, his usual smile, but it didn't make it all the way to his eyes. It looked hollow and I noticed.

"Hey," he said softly, "I don't really know what to do with people when they're crying. Should I just kiss you?" His words echoed what he had said to me in that car park (probably the last time I had cried like this in front of him) but at that moment it was, strangely enough, what I needed to hear.

I nodded meekly, unable to get my voice to work without just bursting into uncontrollable sobs again. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss and I threw my arms around him and hugged him like I would never let go.

"I'm sorry," I said as he pulled away.

"I'm sorry too."

"I'm so sorry," I said again, burying my head into his chest.

"Let's say no more about it, shall we?" he asked. "Let's just forget about it and try to get some sleep. We're both tired and we'll probably feel better in the morning."

"Okay," I mumbled. I let him tilt my face up so he could wipe my tears away with his thumb.

"Do you want anything to eat?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not hungry."

"Okay." He leaned down and kissed me again. "Let's go get some sleep then."

I nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too."

We kissed again and no more was said about it. Twenty minutes later we were both in bed, falling asleep in each other's arms. I listened to him breathing deeply for a moment before I felt my heavy eyes close and I drifted off.

* * *

A strange sound roused me, dragging me from the confines of sleep. I listened for a moment but couldn't work out what on earth it was – it sounded like whining softly but I had no idea who or what it would be. I was quite content to ignore it and fall back to sleep but then I felt something wet press into the palm of my hand. I opened my eyes, trying to focus in the dark without my glasses, my hand pressing into the source of the wetness, trying to work out what it was. I found fur and eventually my sleep addled brain realised it was Makkachin.

"Makka?" I asked as I reached over to turn the bedside table light on. "What are you doing in here?"

I don't know what I expected but she continued to whine in response and I realised that that's what had woken me up. I reached over and grabbed my glasses, pulling them on. I looked around, stroking her head to comfort her, something had clearly upset her. The first thing I noticed was that the bedroom door was open. I looked to the bed beside me and found it empty, a huge space left where Viktor was supposed to be. I tried to put two and two together and my first thought was that he must be in the bathroom, or he went to make himself a drink because he couldn't sleep but I couldn't see any other light coming through the darkened door.

"Viktor?" I asked softly. That seemed to set Makkachin off whining again. I gave her head another stroke, scratching behind her ears in an attempt to comfort her.

I pushed the duvet off and got out of bed. It was a little chilly so I grabbed the first thing I found, which turned out to be one of Viktor's jumpers and pulled it on before going to the door, Makkachin at my heels. The house was in darkness and I turned the light on in the hallway so that I could see properly. The only sounds I heard were my own breathing and Makkachin's whimpers from behind me as I made my way to the kitchen. Viktor wasn't there.

"Viktor!" I called again, this time a little louder but I was met with no answer.

I was about to leave and go look in the bathroom when a piece of paper on the table caught my eye. It was underneath a mug – my mug – but there was no chance of it being knocked away by anything. A sinking feeling filling my stomach I went over to the table. I picked up the mug and the paper, which I realised was a note addressed to me as it had my name written on the side that was facing up. It was Viktor's handwriting. Hand shaking I turned it over.

 _Yuuri,_

 _I'm sorry._

 _I can't do this anymore._

 _Please don't hate me._

 _I love you._

 _Viktor_

And then everything suddenly came to a juddering halt and the world stopped turning for a second. I read the note once, twice, three times more before it actually began to sink in. _He's gone...?_ The mug slipped from my fingers and shattered on the floor at my feet.

The sudden sound seemed to wake me up, bring me to life again, and I darted back to the bedroom. I darted to the wardrobe and flung the doors open. Most of Viktor's clothes had gone, as had his bag and his skates. _No... no this can't be happening..._ I began frantically rummaging through draws but the result was the same. All the important things – the things he would need to leave – had all gone. His phone, his wallet, his car keys. It was then that the realisation that the note wasn't some kind of joke sunk in.

I was suddenly overcome by the overpowering urge to throw up. I staggered to the bathroom, just about managing to turn on the light, before sinking to my knees in front of the toilet and vomiting. I hadn't eaten much that day and we had skipped dinner so it was mostly bile that burnt the back of my throat and made me feel worst than I already was. The vomiting eventually gave way to dry heaving and retching and tears streamed down my face as I clung to the side of the toilet bowl.

After what felt like a lifetime I finally stopped and sank back to the floor. I wrapped my arms around myself and cried, trying to hold the pain in but it wasn't working. All I was left with was the horrific knowledge that Viktor had left and I was alone in a country I didn't know and barely spoke the language. I slapped a hand over my mouth, trying to stop myself from being too loud – like I used to back in Detroit when I would have a panic attack in the middle of the night and didn't want to wake Phichit – but this time I didn't have the luxury of knowing that this would be over soon.

Soft paws padded across the bathroom floor towards me and I felt Makkachin's wet nose press against my cheek. I didn't even think; I threw my arms around her and hugged her, crying into her fur. If she was in any way put out by this she didn't show it and just let me sob against her. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and she was the only thing I had to hold on to. Maybe that's why Viktor didn't take her with him – he left her because he knew that I would need someone to comfort me.

It suddenly hit me that Viktor had taken his phone with him. If I could call him, if I could just apologise for the fight then maybe he would come back. I pushed myself onto shaking legs, flushed the toilet and stumbled back to the bedroom, Makkachin just behind me. My phone lay on the bedside table, where it always was, so I grabbed it and, with trembling fingers, I found Viktor's number and pressed call.

It rang. It rang and rang and rang and with each ring I felt my hopes sink further and further into the floor. Either Viktor had his phone on silent and he couldn't hear it or he was actively ignoring the fact that I was calling. The later seemed more likely given the circumstances and that only made me cry harder.

"Hi this is Viktor, leave a message and I'll get back to you," his cheerful answer-phone message said, almost taunting me. I hung up, clutching my phone as I continued to cry. It felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest and there was nothing that was going to make the pain go away. I felt Makkachin's head rest on my knees and I reached down to give her head a stroke. This was just as hard on her as it was on me.

"I'm sorry girl," I whispered through my tears. I don't know if she heard me but she gave my hand a lick so I took that as understanding.

The longer I sat there the longer I realised that I was in St Petersburg, thousands of miles away from my family – I had no idea what time it would be over there as trying to figure out the time difference was not something that was happening while I was in that state – and with no idea what I should do. I couldn't get hold of Viktor, I couldn't call my sister or Phichit without worrying that I would be waking them and I didn't know what to do with myself. The only people I really knew in Russia were the other skaters and I didn't really feel as if I knew Mila or Georgi well enough to be calling them in the small hours of the morning.

Almost without thinking I found Yuri's number and pressed call. I didn't know what I was doing – _he's probably asleep_ – but I couldn't think of anything else to do so calling him was my best option other than lying down and spend the rest of the night feeling like I was dying until it was a reasonable hour.

"Hello," came the grumpy and tired response after a few rings and I instantly felt guilty but it was too late to back out and hang up.

"Yurio," I said, trying not sob down the phone immediately but my voice was already catching in my throat.

"What the fuck?" Yuri grumbled. "You had better have a fucking phenomenal excuse for call me at... two in the fucking morning Katsudon."

"I... I'm sorry," I said, my voice breaking on a sob.

"What the hell? Are you crying?" he demanded.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I didn't know who else to call."

"Are you drunk?"

"No I..." I tried to begin but the words just weren't coming.

"Because if you've called me at fucking two AM because you're pissed off two vodkas I'm going to fucking end you," he snapped.

"Viktor left me," I choked out before dissolving into fresh sobs.

"Oh shit..." Yuri's tone instantly softened. He sounded surprised so this wasn't something that Viktor had talked to anyone about, if that was any comfort at all. "S'pose you better come over then."


	7. A Shoulder To Cry On

**Hey guys, new chapter for your weekend, hope you all enjoy :)**

 _"Sorry," I mumble, wiping away a stray tear with the back of my hand. I knew that they had turned up separately to the 2017 GPF – the whole world had been speculating why – but knowing the truth is heartbreaking. They've kept that one quiet all these years._

 _Yuuri reaches over the table and hands me the tissue box shaped like Makkachin. "It's okay," he says. His eyes are a little glassy, which is to be expected when talking about the love of your life suddenly leaving you in the middle of the night with nothing but a note._

 _I take a tissue and wipe my eyes. I clear my throat. "Sorry," I say again."I just... I had no idea."_

 _"No one did," he replies. "The only people who know the full story are our friends and my family. We'd never spoken about it publicly."_

 _"But you knew about the rumours, the speculation flying around," I ask suddenly back in journalist most._

 _"Of course we did," he says. "People would often ask but it's very easy to turn the conversation to a given subject of your choice when you need to. You of all people should know that."_

 _"Fair."_

 _"We let people think what they want to, as it was our business. No one needed to know," he says._

 _"So why tell me now?" I ask._

 _He shrugs. "Why not?"_

 _"Good point."_

 _"Anyway that's not the end of the story," he says._

 _I cast a quick glance to the wedding photo on the wall and the ring on his finger. "Obviously," I say..._

* * *

By the time I got to Yakov and Lilia's it was closer to three in the morning, having gotten a little lost and not been able to read the road signs. Yuri had sent me a hasty Google Maps screenshot and that just about got me there. The streets were mostly deserted, aside from the odd person stumbling home after a night at the bar. I half expected to run into Viktor but I didn't. It was wishful thinking on my part hoping that I would. It was highly likely that he wasn't even in St Petersburg anymore. I didn't know where he would have gone but I didn't expect him to stick around... not really.

I knocked on the door although I didn't know what I was going to say if it wasn't Yuri who answered – I didn't really know Lilia all that well and I didn't think Yakov would be overly happy at me turning up in the middle of the night. The door opened a few seconds later and Yuri gave me a small smile when he saw me. He was on the phone, he looked exhausted and I instantly felt guilty. I could have waited till a more reasonable hour to have my breakdown.

"Yeah..." he said the the mystery person on the other end of the phone (I assumed it was his grandfather, although it was a bit early so it could have been Viktor). "Look I gotta go, he's here... Yeah... Yeah I'll see you soon... Davai."

I listened to the one sided phone conversation and waited until he had hung up. As he did I saw the flash of 'Otabek' across the screen and realised that was who he had been talking to. That was more comforting than the idea that he had been talking to Viktor. I didn't know if I wanted Viktor checking up on me just yet. It was all too raw, it hurt to much and the idea that he was fine enough to be calling Yuri to check up on me was just another twist of the knife. Yuri slipped his phone into his sweatpants pocket and looked at me.

"You okay?" he asked.

I opened my mouth to say that I was but the words just wouldn't come out. They stuck in my throat and tried to choke me. All that came out instead was a sob. "I'm sorry."

And then the last thing I expected happened: I felt Yuri's arms around my waist. Even though he had grown a few inches he was still shorter then I was and I had to bend down to cry into his shoulder. We stood there like that in the doorway – me crying and hugging him while he rubbed my back soothingly – for a good few minutes before I felt as if the tears were read to stop. I had cried so much in the last hour I was amazed that I even _did_ have tears to cry but clearly there were still more in reserve.

"Come on," he said. He took my hand and pulled me into the house, Makkachin following. I kicked my shoes off and let him pull me into the kitchen. He sat me down at the table before he went to rummage in one of the cupboards. "Do you want a drink?" he asked over his shoulder, still rummaging.

"I probably should," I mumbled, running a hand over my face to rid it of the tears.

"Okay," he said.

I listened to him hunting for, I assumed tea bags or something, looking down at my hands and trying not to burst into tears again. How had everything suddenly gone so horribly wrong? I should have been preparing for the new season not sitting in the kitchen of someone eight years my junior hoping that they had all the answers. The slamming down of something heavy on the table top made me jump. I looked up to see Yuri holding two glasses, his hand around the neck of the vodka bottle he'd just put down. My eyes flicked between him and the bottle a few time before I realised what was going on.

"Aren't you a little young?" I asked.

"It's nearly three in the morning and you're here crying because Viktor's a dick and left in the middle of the night. Do you really want to bring my age into this as well?" he countered.

"Good point."

He pulled out another chair and sat down. I watched as he poured two glasses, one for each of us, and handed me one. I took it and he clinked his glass against mine before drinking. I stared at the clear liquid for a moment before I took a drink. I felt it hit the back of my already dry throat and I knew that I would only be able to have this one otherwise I would get hammered and have to suffer with a break up and a hangover tomorrow morning.

Makkachin came and curled up at my feet. I was grateful for her and even more grateful that she wanted to stay close to me. I leaned down and gave her a stroke behind the ears. I could feel Yuri watching my every move but I tried to ignore it. I was waiting for him to be the one to ask, I didn't think I could start the conversation on my own, not without bursting into tears again.

"So what happened?" Yuri asked.

"Um... where are Yakov and Lilia?" I asked, half expecting one or both of them to walk into the kitchen and ask me what the hell I thought I was doing.

"They're out having an old people date," Yuri muttered darkly. "Yakov told me not to wait up then winked at me – fucking winked at me!" Yuri shuddered. "I didn't want to think about what he was implying so I already had one of these so I could sleep," he said indicating his now empty glass, "and you're doing a shot for making me think about it now."

My breath huffed passed my lips. "I don't think I could do a shot without throwing up again," I said.

"What do you mean again?"

"I have a visceral reaction to bad news," I replied.

"I'm sorry," Yuri mumbled. "I was kidding about the shot."

"That's okay."

"So what happened?" he asked again.

"You know Viktor and I have been fighting a lot recently?"

He snorted derisively. "The whole rink fucking knows," he said. "Whenever you are fighting you flub your jumps more and Viktor spends the rest of the day looking like a fucking kicked puppy."

"Well," I said glossing over the fact that everyone seemed to know about our domestic problems, my brain couldn't deal with that, "we had a bad one tonight."

"I'm guessing pretty fucking bad but how bad?" Yuri asked. It seemed a little redundant as I was in his kitchen at quarter to three in the morning, nursing a vodka.

"I told him I thought the car accident was his fault."

"It was, wasn't it?" Yuri asked.

"Technically yes, but I didn't blame him for it and I'd never said it out loud before," I replied, sighing.

"So you have this blazing row, then what?"

"We made up... or I thought we had and went to bed," I continued. "I woke up about an hour ago, because I heard Makkachin and I found this." I handed him the note that I had shoved into the pocket of my jacket. He read it, his eyes darkening as he did. "I looked in the wardrobe and some of his clothes were gone." I carried on as he read. "I tried calling him but he didn't pick up so the next person I thought of to call was you."

"So he just up and left in the middle of the night with no explanation other than this shitty note?" Yuri asked, letting go of the letter and letting it flutter down onto the table top.

"Not really," I replied shaking my head.

"What a shit-head."

"A little bit, yeah," I said forcing myself to laugh but it sounded hollow.

"He's a fucking coward," Yuri growled. "If he was any kind of man he would have talked to you about this not just left."

"We're both at fault here," I said. "I knew something was off – I had known since the first night I came back from the hospital – but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to. I couldn't face what I would do if he said he didn't want me."

"Well I want you," Yuri said. I looked up at him, brow furrowed in confusion. _Did he just say that?_ "Not like that, I want you around," he clarified. "So does Georgi and Mila. Yakov likes you too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he thinks Viktor's more focused when you're around and more inclined to do what he's told. ...Granted that's to show off but still."

Despite myself I laughed softly. "I suppose so."

"So what are you going to do now?" he asked, chewing the side of his thumb.

"I don't know," I replied, honestly. "I'm in a city where I know about five people, in a country where I don't speak the language very well and I am completely alone."

"You're not alone, you've got me," he said.

"You were included in that five people," I chuckled softly.

"You know what I mean," he said.

"I do, thank you."

"And you can stay here if you don't want to stay at his house on your own," he said. "Or I could come and stay there with you."

"Do you think Yakov will let you?" I asked.

"I don't care," he replied with a shrug. "To be honest you'd be doing me a favour, I want to be away from the gross old people sex."

I laughed again at that. "Okay."

A wave of fatigue washed over me. Even though I had managed to get a few hours sleep I felt as if I had been awake all night. I tried to stifle a yawn but it didn't work. Yuri gave me a small smile.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Exhausted," I replied.

"Well finish that," he said nodding to my drink as he stood up, "and you can come and bunk in with me."

"Are you sure?" I asked. Despite the olive branch he was holding from his usual hostile demeanour the idea of sleeping in his bed gave me pause.

He shrugged. "We don't have a spare room and if you sleep on the sofa Yakov will ask questions when he gets back."

"Good point," I said before downing the rest of my drink. It burnt the back of my throat, making a shudder run through my entire body and I really shouldn't have done it all in one go but I was past caring by that point. "I can sleep on the floor though, it's no trouble."

"Your fiancé just left you in a country you don't know," he said, "I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor."

"Thank you," I said and smiled at him. I could feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes again and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

He held out his hand to me and pulled me to my feet when I took it. "My room's this way," he said, leading me out of the kitchen.

"Makkachin," I called her and she sleepily followed us down the hall to Yuri's room.

His bedroom was about what I had expected – untidy and covered in purple leopard print. He had photos tacked to the walls, mostly of him and his grandfather although there were a few from his stay in Hasetsu along with a picture of me, him and JJ from last year's podium. I had expected JJ's picture to be covered or vandalised in some way but all he had done was tack a speech bubble next to him that read 'I'm a tool'.

A cat lay curled up asleep near the edge of the bed and Makkachin instantly gravitated towards it. She leaned over and lay her head down next to the cat, who opened an eye and surveyed her with barely disguised disdain. Makkachin sniffed at it for a moment and the cat hissed at her so she backed off, coming back to me.

"Potya!" Yuri admonished. The cat looked up at him as if to say an attitude filled ' _what?_ ' "Be nice." The cat turned its back on Yuri but he was having none of it. He picked it up and brought it over to me. "This is Potya," he said, introducing us. "She's a bitch but I love her. Potya," he said to the cat, "this is the Katsudon. Shake hands." He held out her paw to me, she didn't look overly happy about it.

"Hi Potya," I said. She blinked at me so I reached over and gave her a stroke under then chin. She seemed to like that a lot more and purred softly.

Yuri kissed her head softly and placed her down on the floor. It's going to be a bit cramped, my bed's not huge but it'll be cosy or whatever."

"That's fine," I said, just grateful that I had somewhere to sleep and that I wasn't going to be alone.

As Yuri began moving some of the clutter from his bed (how did he sleep with all that on there in the first place) something sticking out from under the bed caught my eye. It looked like a picture of me, a really old picture of me from my early senior days. I couldn't resist the pull anymore and bent down to have a look.

"Yurio what's this?" I asked.

"What's what?" he asked, turning to look. As soon as he realised I had seen the poster his face turned crimson and he bristled from head to toe. "It's nothing," he said snatching the poster away but I noticed that he was very careful not to crease it as he went and stashed it away in his wardrobe. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"Okay I'll pretend I didn't then."

"Thanks," he mumbled and climbed into bed. "Well get in," he said when I stood there awkwardly staring at him.

"Okay." I took off my jumper, hanging it on the back of a chair already covered with clothes and slipped in beside him. I placed my glasses on the bedside table and he turned the light off, plunging us into darkness, the only light was the moonlight coming in through a tiny gap in the curtains.

Neither of us said anything for a good few minutes. It felt strange being in his bed. Mostly because he was so much younger than me but also because this was the first time I had shared a bed with anyone other than Viktor or Phichit (who climbed into bed with me once when our heating broke in Detroit at Christmas, complaining that he was cold.) I kept thinking of things that I could say to defuse the obvious tension but they all seemed too contrite, too silly, so every time I opened my mouth I ended up closing it again.

"For what it's worth I'm sorry," Yuri said finally breaking the silence.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm sorry for just showing up like this so early."

"It's okay," he said and I felt him shrug beside me. "Wouldn't want you to be alone at a time like this."

"Thank you." We fell back into silence again for a moment but there was something that had been bothering me in the back of my mind since I had arrived. "Hey Yurio," I asked finally, the curiosity winning over again.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a questions?"

"Sure," he replied. "Anything."

"Was that Otabek Altin on the phone when I got here?" I asked. It was an innocent enough question but I felt his entire body bristle against me again all the same.

"No you fucking can't!"


	8. Marks On The Ice

**Hey guys, next chapter for you, hope you enjoy it :D**

The sun coming in through the window woke me the next morning. I felt rested and relaxed and had completely forgotten what had happened during the night. I felt a warm body pressing against me and, without opening my eyes, I instinctively wrapped my arms around them thinking it was Viktor. They felt small though, much too small to be Viktor and everything suddenly came flooding back to me.

I opened my eyes to see that it was Yuri in my arms and I realised that it wasn't all just a bad dream, that it was painfully real. Viktor was gone and I would just have to live with that. I hugged Yuri tighter without meaning to as I began to cry, trying not to make a sound and wake him. My chest ached and I felt as if I were being ripped apart from the inside out but I tried to hold it all inside so that he wouldn't know.

"I know you're crying," he mumbled sleepily against my chest.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed quietly. "I didn't want to wake you."

"Then don't hold me so tight," he said.

"Sorry," I said and loosened my hold.

"Also you're dripping on me."

"Sorry," I said again. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and Yuri looked up at me blearily.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," I sniffed. "I thought I was but then I remembered what happened when I realised you weren't Viktor."

"And thank Christ for that," Yuri said rubbing his eyes and stretching. "I don't want his giant forehead and receding hairline."

I wanted to laugh but it was still too raw and I choked down a sob.

"Too soon?" he asked.

"A bit," I replied.

"Okay." He gave me a quick hug back and, as much as I wanted to hold onto him, pulled away almost as quickly. "What time is it?"

I reached over to the bedside table where I had left my phone. My heart sank as I saw that there were no calls or texts from Viktor but I didn't know what I expected – he wasn't coming back and I just had to deal with it. "Half seven."

"Do you want some breakfast?" Yuri asked sitting up. "I gotta go to practice soon."

"And I should think about what I'm going to do next," I said. "I should probably go back to Japan, or give Celestino a call and see if he'll take me back."

"You can't!" Yuri cried.

"What?"

"You can't just leave too!"

I looked up at him in surprise and, as I looked into his eyes, I realised what he was actually saying: _don't you leave me as well._ He looked so sincere and it hit me that Viktor leaving wasn't just going to be hard on me. It was going to effect everyone, including people like Yuri and even Yakov. I reached over and place my hand on top of his, giving him a slightly watery smile.

"If you want me to stay then I'll stay," I told him.

He stared at me for a moment and relief flooded his eyes but what came out of his mouth was a soft snort. "Do whatever you want, I don't care."

I smiled, letting out a soft chuckle. Underneath all that anger and hostility he really was quite a nice young man. I pulled him into a hug and he didn't protest, just hugged me back. "Thank you," I whispered into his hair.

"'sokay," he mumbled into my shoulder. We pulled back and I brushed his hair behind his ear so I could see both of his eyes. I'd never felt much like a big brother before but in that moment I really did. He flushed under my gaze and flicked his head so that his fringe fell back into place once my hand was gone. "So breakfast?"

"Yes," I said, the moment suddenly gone. "We should make sure you get to the rink on time, Yakov will have a field day if you're late and Viktor doesn't turn up at all."

"Yeah, he'll lose even more hair," Yuri laughed. "Are you going to come?" he asked after a pause.

"I suppose I should," I sighed, "even if it's just to tell Yakov what happened. That's not going to be a fun experience."

"Well I'll be there," Yuri said with a shrug. "So I can be there for moral support or whatever."

I smiled at him. "Thank you."

* * *

Yuri's idea of breakfast consisted of toast so I made us each an omelet to go with it. It felt good to be doing something. I knew that if left to my own devices I would end up going back to Viktor's, curling up in a ball on the bed and crying until I made myself ill, sinking deeper and deeper into depression. Yuri seemed determined to not let me do that and I was very thankful for that. He was happy to fill the silence with chatter, nothing important mostly about when he snuck into a club with Otabek in Barcelona a few years before. I listened and tried not to admonish him too much for it – I was already in big brother mode, I didn't want to go full on dad.

I was beginning to feel more like myself again – at least the me that I had been while happy and living with Viktor – but when we got to the rink I felt myself pause. My breath caught in my throat and I could feel my heart speeding up. My hand hovered just above the door handle put I couldn't bring myself to open it. What if Viktor hadn't left the country? What if he was there and I would have to see him? What if he had already found someone else?

"You okay?" Yuri asked when it became obvious that I was frozen in place.

"I... I don't know if I can do this," I said.

"You don't have to do this now, you know," he said. "If you want to go back home and come back later we can..."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "The only thing worse than going back will be _not_ going back."

"Okay, well take your time," Yuri told me.

I nodded. I felt ridiculous, being comforted by a sixteen year old but I didn't really have anyone else I could turn to who was immediately there so this was it on the comforting front. It was nice though, to know that he was there to support me. I took a deep breath, placed my hand on the handle and pushed the door open. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see my worst fears come true but when I opened them everything was fine.

Yakov was standing by the side of the rink, yelling instructions to Georgi, who was in the middle of practising his routine, while Mila filmed him from the sidelines. There was no sign of Viktor anywhere. We watched until Georgi's routine came to an end and he skated to the side to receive his feedback.

"You alright?" Yuri asked.

"I... I think so," I replied.

"I don't think he's going to come if that's what you're worried about," he said. _He's perceptive, I'll give him that..._

"I don't know if I want him to or not," I said as we made our way over to the others.

"Yurochka, Yuuri," Yakov said when he looked up at us, having finished with Georgi. "Have either of you seen Vitya? He's an hour late and I can't seem to get hold of him."

"Yeah... I need to talk to you about that," Yuri said, dropping his bag to the floor.

"What do you mean?" Yakov asked.

I knew they were speaking English for my benefit because Yuri instantly switched into Russian. There were a few words I caught of the conversation and I heard Viktor's name pop up more than once but for the most part they were speaking too quickly for me to be able to follow. Yakov gave Yuri a clip round the back of the head after a particular word following Viktor's name that I imagined was not particularly friendly but Yuri was unperturbed. I waited, listening to them all talk in their native languages before Mila broke away and came to give me a hug.

"I'm sorry," she said, switching back to English.

"Thanks," I said, hugging her back.

Almost as soon as she had pulled away she was replaced by Georgi. He hugged me so tightly I thought he was going to crack a rib. "If you need to talk you have my number," he said.

"Thank you," I said. I had forgotten that I had his phone number. The night before I had been a mess and hadn't even thought to call him.

Georgi was replaced by Yakov and I wondered for a moment if he was going to hug me as well but that didn't seem all that likely. He placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle, encouraging squeeze.

"Do you have your skates with you?" he asked.

"N... no, I left them at home," I replied.

"No matter," he said. "I'm sure there are some here that will suffice for today."

"Okay," I said. I hadn't expected that. I don't know what I did expect him to say but it hadn't been to so readily welcome me into the fold like that.

"Let's continue," he said. "Mila, you're next."

"Okay," she sang happily and stepped onto the ice. The music started and I watched her for a moment. I felt a strange sense of calm fall over me. Out of everything that I thought might have happened coming back, them all just accepting me as one of their own like that was not up the top of my list.

"Come on," Yuri said giving me a bump with his shoulder, "let's get you some skates."

"Okay."

* * *

The rest of the practice was spent with Yakov's attention split between the four of us as we prepared for the 2017 GPF. Luckily I already had both my Short Program and my Free Skate choreographed so all I had to do was work at them. I still pushed myself, not quite as hard as before as my heart wasn't quite in it and I think Yakov understood as I didn't get the admonishment I had expected when I fell or over-rotated. The rest of them were just as supportive, Mila even taking a video and uploading it to Instagram with the caption 'my brave little soldier' and Georgi having a towel ready for me when I left the ice as I had none of my gear with me.

At the end of the day Yakov dismissed everyone but before I could head to the changing rooms with the rest of them called me over. "Yuuri."

"Yes sir?"

"You did very well today," he said.

"Thank you," I smiled.

He sighed and shook his head. "I will never understand what goes on in Vitya's head. First he drops everything to go to Japan for you and then leaves you stranded in St Petersburg without so much as a goodbye to any of us."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what I could say in response to that.

Yakov sighed again before seeming to perk up. "No matter, where I have lost one student I gain another."

"Pardon?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I had heard him right or not.

"You need a coach, as he seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth, and I have an opening for another skater," he said.

"If you'd be happy to have me sir," I said. I couldn't believe this was happening.

It seemed too good to be true. I had been worrying about what I was going to do now that Viktor had gone whenever I wasn't skating. If I was going to continue I needed to have a coach and the best I could think of was seeing if Celestino would take me back but I knew in the back of my mind that my skating might suffer for that. Instead Yakov seemed happy to coach me in Viktor's stead. That would also mean that I wouldn't have to move as a cross continental move back home or to Detroit was the last thing I wanted to deal with on top of everything.

"I would be more than happy," Yakov said, smiling.

"Thank you so much," I said and I could feel my eyes filling with tears.

"You can repay me by turning up with your proper gear tomorrow," he said.

"I will," I told him.

"Now go and get some rest," he said. "It's going to be a busy few months and I need you at your best."

"Yes sir," I said and darted off towards the changing room.

Yuri, who had been waiting for me, pushed himself off the wall and fell into step beside me. "He likes you," he said.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah," Yuri replied with a grin. "He wouldn't do that for just anyone."

"Then I'll make sure I'll live up to his expectations then," I said, filled with a new determination and a new sense of purpose. They all believed in me and I was going to make sure that I didn't let them down...

* * *

 _"...And that was pretty much it until the start of the season," Yuuri finishes. "Training with Yakov and the others, living at Viktor's with Yurio, who persuaded Yakov that he could live with me if he wasn't old enough to live by himself. Things got easier, I only really told the people who were important, like Phichit and my family. Telling my parents was hard." He stares off into the distance for a moment, still raw from the memory even after all these years._

 _"And you didn't hear from Viktor at all during that time?" I ask, filling the silence._

 _"Nope," he replies, "not a word."_


	9. Two Paper Airplanes Flying

**Hey guys, just another fun little chapter for you, can you guess what one of my other favourite pairings from this show is XD hope you enjoy**

"Yuuri!" Phichit cried happily as he ran to me across the arrivals department. People were staring, he looked as if he were about to jump on me and I was very aware of the two steaming cups of coffee I was holding.

"Wait I'm holding coffee!" I yelped as he got closer.

To his credit he didn't jump and make me catch him. Instead he flung his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. "I missed you so much!" he said happily, burring his face in my neck.

"I missed you too," I said and my heart clenched. It wasn't as if Phichit and I had lost touch since Viktor and I had gotten together but we definitely didn't text or Skype as much as we had done before and I felt quite guilty about that.

Phichit pulled away from the hug, holding me at arm's length so he could look me up and down. "Looking good stud," he observed. "What have you been up to?"

"Trying to keep up with a bunch of Russians," I replied truthfully. Even though my stamina was pretty good for someone my age (inhuman as most people liked to put it) both Mila and Yuri had youth on their side.

"Fair," Phichit said.

I handed him one of the cups of coffee. "Do you want to go get some lunch?" I asked. "There's a nice little café about twenty minutes away from here."

"Yeah that sounds awesome," Phichit said. "I woke up ridiculously early and then there was traffic so I didn't have time to grab something for on the plane."

"You haven't come from home, have you?" I asked as we left the airport, vaguely remembering that he had said he was coming from somewhere else.

"No," he replied, flushing slightly. "No, I haven't."

"Where have you come from?"

"Switzerland."

"Switzerland?" I asked, perplexed. "What were you doing in Switzerland?"

"Training," he replied.

"In Switzerland?" I couldn't quite wrap my head around that. Out of everywhere in the world the last place I imagined Celestino saying ' _hey let's go train here_ ' was Switzerland.

"Yeah," Phichit replied, a little too hurriedly.

"Okay." He was hiding something. That much was painfully obvious but if he didn't want to tell me then I was going to pressure him. He'd tell me when he was ready.

* * *

"Okay I wasn't just there for training," Phichit told me after the waiter had taken our order and left. It didn't take him long to crack at all.

"Well that much was obvious," I said, rolling my eyes. "You're a terrible liar Phichit, don't ever kill someone."

"I was in Switzerland because I'm seeing someone," he said.

"Like professional help?" I teased.

"Like romantically," he said, not rising to it.

"Oh okay." That surprised me a little as through all the time I'd known Phichit he barely mentioned anything about any kind of sexual preference at all but obviously he had found someone that he was interested in. "And they live in Switzerland."

"Yeah," he replied, suddenly becoming very interested in the hideous floral pattern on the linoleum tablecloth.

"How did you meet them?" I asked.

"He's a skater," Phichit replied. "A good one as well."

"Wow, really? Anyone I know?"

Phichit finally looked up at me and shook his head. "Christ you're oblivious sometimes, it's Chris."

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

"So how long has this been going on?" I asked after a pause. Chris and Phichit seemed like a bit of an odd couple to me – I never would have though Phichit would have been interested in someone like Chris (then again I didn't really think Phichit was interested in anyone) – but the way Phichit was smiling fondly spoke volumes.

"About three months, give or take," he replied. "I mean there was a spark in China but I sort of ignored it until we were in Barcelona. I thought it was just Chris being Chris, all flirty with everyone and all the rest of it but we kept talking after Barcelona. Then a little while ago he came to Thailand on holiday, we met up and we kissed."

"Wow three months," I said, amazed that I hadn't seen this plastered all over Instagram (although I'd been avoiding it like the plague aside from looking at the pictures and videos Mila had been tagging me in). "You kept that one quiet."

"Well we sort of thought that we would," he said. "Just see how it goes for a bit longer before we announce it to the world. Plus I think if Chao Chao found out he's have a fit and give Chris 'the talk'."

"Sensible," I said, knowing exactly how over protective Celestino could be. "I just can't believe you kept it from me."

"Well obviously you saw right through me as soon as we met face to face," he said. "I didn't say anything beforehand because you've got your own shit going on and I didn't want to bother you with this."

"No, bother me, please," I chuckled. "Stuff like this is what's keeping me going right now. I need to be distracted and not think about my own shit situation."

"How are you doing?" Phichit asked, placing his hand on top of mine.

I sighed. "Some days are better than others," I said. "I can get through most of the time without feeling like I'm dying but sometimes, even after a good few months, it will still hit me and I'll feel like crying."

"Oh Yuuri," he said and reached over the table to give me a slightly awkward hug. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said as he sat back down. "I'm okay, I'm getting through it. Yurio's been a great help."

"The little grumpy one?" Phichit asked, clearly unable to believe that we were talking about the same Yuri Plisetsky.

"Yeah," I nodded. "He basically lives with me now so I've slotted into the role of pseudo older brother, pseudo dad."

"Cute," Phichit chuckled.

"You won't think it's cute when you have to tell him to go to sleep earlier if he's going to get up at three AM to Skype Kazakhstan."

"What?" Phichit asked, brows furrowing in confusion.

"And you say I'm oblivious," I chuckled. "So how was Switzerland with Bae?"

"You joke that's what his cat's called," Phichit said.

"That sounds like Chris," I said, shaking my head.

"Actually I saw Viktor in Switzerland," Phichit said. Clearly he had been holding onto that particular bomb for a while, waiting for the best time to drop it.

"Oh?"

"He's been staying there for a while," Phichit said.

"Oh..."

"He looked awful."

"How awful are we talking?" I asked after a pause wondering just how Viktor could possibly look awful.

"Well there was one day when we were at the rink and he flubbed every single jump he tried to do."

"Wow..."

"I know."

"Well it's nice to know that he's having as bad a time as I am," I chuckled. It was oddly comforting to know that Viktor was struggling with this. If I had found out that he was fine and already had someone else that he was pursuing I don't know how I would have reacted. ...Probably with vodka.

"He should have a bad time, he's the one who left you." That was unusually harsh for Phichit but I could see where he was coming from.

"Did he say anything about me?" I asked after another short pause.

"He wanted to," Phichit said. "He so obviously wanted to but the first time he tried I made a point of telling him that I wasn't going to talk about you to him."

"You didn't have to do that," I said.

"Yuuri you're my best friend, I'm hardly going to be getting all pally with the guy that broke your heart," Phichit said as if that should have been obvious. "You know I've always got your back."

"Thank you," I said, giving him a small smile.

"To be perfectly honest I don't think Chris was super happy with him about the whole thing either," he said. "He didn't say anything but it was kind of tense, you know? And not just because I didn't really talk to him unless I absolutely had to."

"Yeah I can't imagine that would have been a fun atmosphere."

Phichit shrugged. "Chris and I still managed to have a good time."

"Okay you need to tell me everything," I said as the waiter appeared beside us with a plate full of dumplings for the both of us to share.

"Everything?" Phichit asked incredulously. "I'm dating Chris here remember."

"Everything."

* * *

 _"Phichit stayed in Russia for about a week before he went back to Thailand," Yuuri says, smiling wistfully at the memory._

 _"Must have been nice, having him there," I say._

 _"It was," he says. "I was really sad when he left. Yurio and the others were great about everything and they looked after me like family but having Phichit with me, even if it was only for a little while, just made me think of being back in Detroit with him again."_

 _"So," I press after I allow him a moment to reflect, "we're getting up to the start of the season now." He's told me about the break up, now I need to hear about the fall out. I need the inside perspective on the fall out. Finally I'm going to have answers to the questions everyone's been asking for years._

 _"And what a season that was," he chuckles._


	10. Return To The Free Skate

**Hey guys a little later updating today cause I've been busy as it's Bank Holiday, anyway hope you enjoy this next little chapter :D**

 _"So you didn't see or hear anything at all from Viktor, even though he had seen Phichit in Switzerland and knew full well that Phichit would tell you he'd seen him, until the start of the season?" I ask, thrumming with excitement at what I know I'm about to be told._

 _"Basically yes," Yuuri replies with a sigh, "and I'm pretty sure that I both saw and heard from him in the worst way possible."_

 _"How?"_

* * *

"Oh my god!" Mila exclaimed looking at her phone. We were in the middle of practice and Yakov had given us all a short break before we got right back into it. Yuri and Georgi were flying out to Beijing for the Cup of China in a few days while Mila and I were about to head off to Moscow for Rostelacom so we were all at the rink training every day.

"What?" Georgi asked, looking over her shoulder. She showed him her phone screen. "Oh my god!"

"I know right," she said.

"What?" Yuri asked.

"Oh my god," Mila said again.

"I know right!" Georgi said, the repeated sentence conversation between them beginning to loop again.

"Stop saying 'oh my god' and tell me Hag!" Yuri snapped.

Mila turned her phone so that both Yuri and I could see the screen. On it was a slight blurred photo (possibly where the photographer's hands had been shaking when they too it) of Viktor in the middle of his program. It was clearly taken at a competition, obvious by the spectators, judges and the sponsorship banners. I could feel Yuri shaking with rage beside me.

"That absolute fucker!" he screamed, crushing the empty juice carton he had been holding in his fist. "I can't believe he's got the fucking balls to fucking compete this season after everything he's fucking done!"

"Yura!" Yakov admonished. "Language!"

"Who sent you this?" Yuri demanded, ignoring Yakov and turning back to Mila.

"Sara sent it to me from Skate America," she said. "So apparently Viktor's planning on competing in the GPF this year."

Yuri clicked his tongue angrily. "If he makes it."

"He'll make it," Georgi said with a roll of his eyes. "It's Viktor."

"He's still skating under Russian colours," Mila said.

"Can he do that even though he's basically off the team?" Yuri asked. "There must be some kind of formality."

"Clearly he can," Mila said," because he is. Unless he's an ANA."

"ANA?" Yuri asked.

"Authorised Neutral Athlete," Georgi replied.

"He never officially quit so he is still a part of this team," Yakov said. "As much as you don't like it," he added, pointedly looking at Yuri, "Viktor is well within his rights to skate as part of Team Russia even if he doesn't arrive or interact with us."

"That fucker!" Yuri snarled again ignoring the disapproving look Yakov sent his way.

"Who's coaching him?" I asked. It was the first question I felt like I was able to ask. There were so many swirling around inside my head but that was the first one that I had actually been able to voice.

"Giacometti's guy by the looks of things," Mila said. "Unless he's doing this on his own without a coach."

"Well he's arrogant enough for that," Yuri muttered darkly.

"Viktor has proven himself a competent enough coach," Yakov said, glancing at me, " and he is a five time world champion so regardless of whether someone else is coaching him or he is acting as his own coach he will still skate very well."

"He still lost to me last year," Yuri grumbled darkly.

"Then you should have no trouble beating him again this year as well," I said placing my hand on his shoulder and smiling at him.

He seemed to soften at that and Yakov looked grateful. "I just can't believe he thinks he can do that to you and then carry on as if nothing has happened," he grumbled.

"I'm carrying on," I told him.

"Yeah but he's the one that hurt you," Yuri said.

"It's fine," I said even though I felt so far from being fine. Inside I felt like I was sinking into that hole I had desperately been trying to claw my way out of for the last few months. "Like everything else we'll just deal with it."

"But..." Yuri began.

"It's very sweet you being angry on my behalf but Viktor is competing now, he's going to make it to the Final so there's no point getting angry about it now," I said. "It won't help either of us so we should get back to practice."

"Thank you Yuuri," Yakov said, clearly thankful that the distraction was soon to be over and he could continue his session.

"If you're sure..." Yuri said.

"I'm fine," I told him, "I promise."

* * *

"So how are you really?" Yuri asked me almost as soon as Georgi had left the changing room at the end of the day.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Yuri clicked his tongue. "Don't give me that," he said crossing his arms over his chest. "I watched you all afternoon and you were distracted. You messed up your step sequence and it was obvious that your attention was divided. Yakov didn't say anything because of Mila's bombshell but he noticed too."

I sighed and shook my head. How was this sixteen year old ball of rage so damn perceptive all the time? "I can't hide anything from you, can I?"

"No," he replied. He came and sat down on the bench next to me, closer than he would have been even six months ago. "So how are you really?"

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. "I thought I was doing okay, that I could come to the competition and everything would be fine but now... knowing that Viktor is competing and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to face him..." I stopped to gather myself and shook my head sadly. "I'm not sure if I can face him and I'm wondering if I should save myself the heartache and the embarrassment and just pull out."

"You can't!" Yuri cried and he looked so hurt even at the thought. "For one thing you've worked too hard to get to where you are, for another so has Yakov – you can't let him down."

"No," I agreed, "that is the last thing I'd want to do after everything he's done for me."

"Then you can't pull out," Yuri said. "You can't let Viktor win." And I knew he didn't mean the competition. I remember Yuko telling me (when she and Takashi broke up for a few weeks when I was fourteen) that there are winners and losers in a break-up and you had to show the other people that you were the winner, even if you didn't feel like it.

"I suppose not," I said.

"Plus it's in Japan," Yuri continued. "You'll be skating on your home turf, imagine how cool that would be if you won?"

"You think I can beat you?" I asked teasingly.

Yuri flushed and hid behind his hair. "I mean when you get silver again."

"Sure thing," I smiled.

"But, seriously though, you have to compete," Yuri told me.

"Okay," I said, "I won't pull out."

"Good."

"Seeing Viktor though," I said and let out a shaky exhale, "that's going to be difficult."

"Then show him you're over him by kicking his ass," Yuri said. "It's the best way to get back at him after everything he's done."

"You really think I can?" I asked and this time I wasn't teasing him. Viktor, as a competitive skater was still like this ethereal god to me – unreachable and unobtainable. I broke his record but there was no chance that I could do it again.

"I know you can," Yuri said bumping his elbow against my side. "It's about time Nikiforov knew what bronze felt like."

* * *

 _"So I practised and practised, training harder than I ever had in my life and, while maybe I didn't jell quite as well as I had with Yakov right away as I did with Viktor, everyone from Team Russia was an amazing encouragement," Yuuri says._

 _"And you had a good season that year," I say, thinking back to that competition. I had just been starting out then – barely even an intern – but I remember being there and watching both his Short Program and Free Skate and they were both amazing._

 _"I did," he agrees. "I took silver again at Rostelacom, coming in second to JJ, and won my first ever gold at the Trophée de France. I made it to the final quite easily but I knew that that was going to be the hard part that year."_

 _"Did you and Viktor cross paths before the Final?" I ask._

 _"No," he replies. "It's possible to go through and entire season and not see someone until the final and I was glad that I didn't see him. I don't know if I would have held it together as well as I did as I didn't always have Yuri and the others around to keep me from falling apart."_

 _"What happened when you did finally come face to face with him again?" I ask._

 _"Ah we're getting a little ahead of ourselves there," he says with a grin._

 _"There's more?" I ask, amazed._

 _"Of course there is."_

 _I'm glad. This story wouldn't be half as exciting if there wasn't. "Fire away then."_


	11. Matter Of The Heart

**Good morning lovely people, please accept this new chapter. I had to get one of my other favs in here somehow so I hope you enjoy his addition and I hope you enjoy the chapter, shits getting tense now**

 _"Both Yuri and I got to the Grand Prix Final," Yuuri says. "So did Viktor, JJ, Chris and Otabek. It was like the last GPF I had been at except Phichit had been replaced by Viktor and he was there as a spectator, mostly to watch me and Chris more than anyone."_

 _"And much like when Viktor kissed you on international television in China, the world remembers_ that _kiss," I say. I'm still a little salty as I had been standing next to them at the time and, while it was very adorable – Chris stepping off the ice and sweeping Phichit up into his arms – there was entirely too much tongue there for a pre-watershed sporting event._

 _Yuuri chuckles. "They do, yes."_

 _"What was it like going to the Final," I begin, very swiftly changing the subject. "It must have been difficult knowing that you were going to face Viktor."_

 _"It wasn't easy no," he says with a sigh. "I don't think I slept for the entire flight over. I stopped off briefly to see my parents and my mum asked me the same thing. She told me that she was so proud of me and that made me confident that I could do it. That I could face Viktor and I could face the final."_

 _"What happened when you actually got to Nagoya?" I ask after a pause._

 _"Well..."_

* * *

"Yuuri!" a familiar voice called out to me as I stood in the reception of the huge hotel all the skaters involved in the Final were staying in. I turned and saw JJ waving at me from the other side of the room, weaving his way though the other people milling around. After striking up an unlikely friendship with him a the Rostelacom Cup we had exchanged numbers and I had watched him take another gold at Skate Canada.

"Hey JJ," I said, smiling at him as he reached me. "How are you?"

"Good, you?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Where's Isabella?"

He looked sheepish. "There was a slight mix up with the flight tickets and she's coming tomorrow."

"What did you forget to do?" I asked, teasing.

"Everything," he admitted. "She's an absolute champ though. Hey, congrats on the gold in France."

"Thank you," I said and I could feel myself flushing. "Congratulations on Skate Canada."

"Thanks," he grinned. "Wanna get some dinner later? I really fancy trying out some local food and thought you might know of some good places as this is your home turf."

"That would be great," I said. "I can't even remember the last time I had some proper Japanese Katsudon."

"Awesome," JJ grinned. "Hey maybe you can even bring..."

"Hey," Yuri's voice cut him off as he appeared at my shoulder, "rooms are all sorted now, here's your key." He handed me a white card.

"Hey there Little Yuri," JJ grinned, jumping on the opportunity to tease him. "Nice to see you again, you ready to lose to me?"

Yuri scowled at him. "Why are you talking to him?" he asked me.

"Ouch, claws out already Kitten," JJ grinned. "And here was me thinking that you might have warmed up to me a bit more."

Yuri clicked his tongue. "Whatever."

I was about to tell the both of them to behave (slipping back into Big Brother Mode) but I saw a flash of silver from across the foyer and I knew instantly who it was. The red and white of the jacket only confirmed it and I felt as if someone had dropped a dozen angry snakes into my stomach. Viktor hadn't seemed to have noticed me and I didn't want him to. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

"I'm going to head up to the room," I announced suddenly. Both Yuri and JJ looked at me, surprised but I ignored their stunned expressions. I turned to JJ. "I'll text you when I'm sorted and we can go get some food."

"Um... sure thing," he said.

I didn't wait for any other response from either of them before I darted towards the elevator. Thankfully it wasn't that far away from where we had been standing so I was able to slip in unnoticed and head up to my floor. I wasn't sure which floor was mine so I pressed the button for the top to give me a good long ride to figure that out.

My heart was pounding and I felt my breath catching in my throat. I couldn't tell if I wanted to be sick or to cry or to crawl into a hole and never come out again. All I knew as I opened the card containing my key and looking at the room number was that I was not ready to see Viktor. I could lie to Yuri and my mum and anyone else who might ask but the truth of the matter was I was not ready in the slightest to see him again.

The elevator ride was quite soothing as no one stopped me or got on with me. When I got to the top the doors slid open to a blissfully empty corridor and I travelled back down to the right floor. When I got to my room Yuri was standing outside it waiting for me. He must have gone to drop off his suitcase as he was leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

"What was all that about?" he asked as I opened the door.

"I wanted to find my room and drop my stuff off," I lied, not meeting his steely gaze.

"You left me with King Douche-face," he pouted.

"Oh so he's _King_ Douche-face now, is he?"

"It's his own stupid title," he growled. "Gotta humour him sometime."

"So you probably don't want to come and get Katsudon with us tonight?" I asked, teasing him.

"No I do!" he cried. "I wanna come get Katsudon."

"Even with JJ?" I asked.

"I guess I can put up with him..." Yuri mumbled. "Can I see if Otabek wants to come too?"

"Sure thing," I smiled. I would see if I could find someone else who wanted to go as well otherwise I would be the oldest person there. At least I wouldn't look too much like I was chaperoning.

A silence fell between us as I began to unpack my things. I wanted to ask Yuri if he had seen Viktor as well, if Viktor had gone up to talk to him or asked about me if he had but, I realised, I didn't want to know the answer. It felt too raw, too fresh and even though I knew I would have to face him eventually I wasn't ready for it... not yet at least. I could tell that Yuri wanted to ask me something too as I could see him opening and closing his mouth out of the corner of my eye. It kept happening until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Just ask me," I said.

"You saw Viktor, didn't you?"

"I did, yes," I replied. No point lying now, not really.

"Is that why you did your weird disappearing act?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," I said, not meeting his gaze as I hung up my suit in the wardrobe (ironically enough one that Viktor had bought for me, although I had bought my old tie to wear with it just to spite him).

"'s fine," Yuri shrugged. "I don't wanna talk to him either. I can see why you'd want to leave."

"So you're not mad at me for leaving you with JJ?"

"No I'm still mad," Yuri gripped, "but I get it."

"Okay."

"Are you ready though?" Yuri asked after a pause.

"What for?" I asked although I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Seeing Viktor again," he replied.

Was I? I had no idea.

The pure and simple fact that I had darted out of the lobby rather than stick around and wait for him to spot me spoke volumes. I wasn't prepared to see him again but the Final started tomorrow so I was sort of going to have to be. I couldn't fall to pieces tomorrow when we got to the rink or I would have no chance of showing him that I was able to skate just as well without him.

"Yeah," I replied finally. "I've got this."

Yuri narrowed his eyes at me and I could tell that he knew I was lying. "If you say so."

"I'm fine," I told him. "I can look after myself, you don't need to worry about me, I know you've got other things on your mind as well."

"I know," he sighed. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I'll be okay," I told him. I went over to the bed, where he had already made himself comfortable, and sat down next to him. "I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but I'm going to try not to left Viktor get to me and I'm just going to skate. If I can avoid him all together until afterwards then that would be great but realistically that's not likely to happen but I'll deal with it if he comes up to me. I'm not going to seek him out."

"I probably shouldn't either," Yuri said with a sigh. "I might break his nose."

"And that would be really bad," I said.

He leaned against me side, leaning his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry he's such a shit head."

I chuckled softly. "It's okay," I said. "Like I said, I can deal with it."

Yuri opened his mouth to answer again but a tentative knock at the door cut him off. We looked at each other for a second before another knock split the silence of the room. I pushed myself off the bed and went to the door. I looked through the tiny one way glass in the centre of the door to see who it could be, expecting it to be JJ trying to hurry us up in getting to food faster but it wasn't.

My heart stopped as I saw Viktor standing out in the corridor. I froze, turning to face Yuri with wide eyes and Viktor knocked again. Yuri looked at me like I was insane. "Are you alright?" he asked, clearly wondering if he should seek me professional help.

"It's Viktor," I whispered, not knowing how thick the doors were and wondering whether Viktor could hear me or not.

"What?" Yuri asked, furrowing his brow at me.

"It's Viktor," I said again, a little louder this time so that he could actually hear me.

"What?!" Yuri looked about ready to murder something. He jumped to his feet and stormed over to the door to look for himself (although he had to stand on tiptoes to be eye level with the glass). "That absolute fucker! Does he think that he can just corner you like this and expect you to take him back?"

"I don't know why he's here," I said. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Stay there," he told me.

"Wait Yura!" I hissed but it was too late. He had already opened the door and all I could do was press myself between the wall and the now open door and listen.

To say that Viktor was surprised when Yuri opened the door was probably the understatement of the year but he didn't let it show all that much aside from a softly gasped "Oh... Yurio."

"Don't fucking call me that," Yuri hissed. Not long after Viktor had left he had asked me the same thing and I had accepted. He was growing up and if he didn't like the nickname because it sounded too young for him then that was fine. Although I'm sure the main reason he didn't like it was because Viktor still called him that.

"I was expecting..." Viktor began but tailed off. From where I was standing I couldn't really see much and I couldn't try to see without letting Viktor know that I was there and making it really obvious that I was trying to avoid him.

"You were expecting what?" Yuri asked angrily.

"I was expecting... never mind."

"You were expecting him," Yuri said. "God Viktor did you ask the hotel reception what room he was in or did you follow him up here because either one is really fucking creepy."

"I just..." Viktor said sounding cowed under Yuri's fury. "I just wanted to talk to him."

"Fucking seriously?" Yuri asked. I could see the rage etched in his face and knew that if _I_ was being subjected to that, I would be suitably cowed as well. "You haven't wanted to talk to him in months so why the fuck would you suddenly start now?"

"I just thought, as we're going to be competing tomorrow..."

"What the fuck is your problem?" Yuri snapped. "You think that you can just show up after all this time and everything will be fine? Well, news flash Viktor, it's not fucking fine! Does Yakov know that you've suddenly turned into a stalker?"

"No I haven't really gone to see him either," Viktor replied.

"Well maybe you fucking should and stop bothering your ex."

"Can I just see him?" Viktor asked after a second's pause.

"He's not here," Yuri replied. Whether Viktor would believe him was a different story entirely.

"Then why are you here?" Viktor asked. It was a valid question. Why would Yuri be in my room if I wasn't there as well.

"The loser dropped his key so I thought I'd wait here till he got back," Yuri replied.

"Have you text him to let him know?" Viktor asked. Again another valid question, one that Yuri promptly deflected with a glare.

"I've got no fucking signal alright," he snapped. "Jesus do I have to answer to you for everything. It's not like you're my coach or anything."

"Do you know where he is?" Viktor asked. "Yuuri I mean, or do you know what time he should be back?"

"How the fuck would I know?" Yuri snapped. "I'm not the Katsudon's handler."

"Oh... okay," Viktor said and he sounded so unhappy that I really had to stop myself from showing him that I was there and just forgive him of everything. I knew I couldn't give in to that part of myself though. For one thing Yuri would judge me forever and secondly I couldn't run the risk that he would do the exact same thing if things got tough again. "Well if you see him can you tell him that I came by and was looking for him?"

Yuri clucked his tongue. "I might. I might not. Maybe he doesn't need you sniffing around and trying to mess with his head again."

"Maybe he's the one who should make that call," Viktor said, his tone a little clipped.

"Whatever," Yuri snapped and slammed the door in his face.

Neither of us moved. I was still frozen in place and Yuri seemed too consumed by rage to do anything but seethe at the closed door as we listen to the sound of Viktor's footsteps retreating down the corridor. Once I could no longer hear him I turned to Yuri.

"Thank you," I said. "I didn't realise just how not ready I was for this until he actually came looking for me."

Yuri clicked his tongue again. "That's fucking creepy, I mean who does that?"

"Viktor apparently," I replied, trying to make light of the situation but I think I was failing miserably.

Suddenly the weight of the world and everything that had happened during the last year came crashing down on me and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I went over and sat down on the edge of the bed, placing my head in my hands. I felt like crying and screaming all at the same time and the feelings that I had managed to suppress back in the elevator were rushing back with a a fiery vengeance. How on earth could I have been so stupid to think that I would be able to face him again after all this time?

I felt the bed dip beside me and Yuri's hand come to rest on my knee. "Hey," he said softly, his voice much gentler than it had been only a few minutes ago, "you okay?"

I sighed. "I don't know."

"I'm sorry about him," Yuri said. "I had no idea that Viktor was creepy enough to stalk you to your hotel room and corner you into talking."

"It's okay," I said finally taking my face out of my hands.

"It's really not," Yuri said.

I let out a long, shaking exhale. "I don't know how ready I am to do this tomorrow," I said. "I mean I know that I'm going to have to face him and it would be better if I did it sooner rather than later but I just can't think about that right now."

"You can do this, I know you can," he said.

"I'm not sure," I said.

"No you can," he said again. "Tomorrow you go out there and skate better than him, just like I know you can. This is what you've been working up to all this time."

"I know but I always get so nervous before competitions and I know that if I let myself get nervous this time then it's just going to be so much worse," I said. "The last time I only got through the built up because Viktor was there... now he's going to be part of the problem."

"Well just ignore him if he tries to talk to you and only engage with him if you absolutely have to," Yuri said giving my hand a squeeze. "And if all else fails," he added after a pause, "you can always stab him with one of your skates."

I looked round at him and he looked completely sincere. There was no hint of humour in there at all so I had to come to the realisation that he wasn't joking. "Yeah..." I said, "I'm not going to do that."

He shrugged. "It's a suggestion."

"Not a good one."


	12. The Monsters Turned Out To Be Just Trees

**Hey guys, so our boys finally get some time alone, wonder how it's going to go down :D hope you enjoy**

I spent the rest of the evening with Yuri, JJ, Otabek and Phichit. I felt a little guilty, taking Phichit away from Chris for the evening but Phichit said they'd both live. Apparently Viktor had shown up at Chris' hotel room looking like a kicked puppy and Phichit said he didn't want to stick around to find out why he was so miserable. Yuri seemed determined that I would have a good time, and for that I was incredibly thankful. He stayed in my room that night, almost as if he were guarding me against Viktor trying to come back and talk. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night but I did eventually manage to drop off, listening to Yuri's soft snoring.

The next morning I was nervous as hell. I knew that I was going to have to see Viktor and I still wasn't sure how I wanted to approach him. I couldn't work out if I wanted to be cold and aloof and ignore him completely or if I wanted him to come and talk to me, tell me that he'd made a mistake and beg me to take him back. I worried about this all the way to the rink and both Yuri and Yakov could tell but neither of them said anything, not wanting to draw attention to it. The most notice anyone paid was Yuri reaching over and giving my hand a squeeze just before we entered the building.

In the end I didn't have the chance to think about it because Viktor walked into the changing rooms just after I had zipped my Team Japan jacket over my SP costume. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears and I hoped to god that no one else could hear it. I tried to control my breathing and prayed that I wouldn't start to have an anxiety attack. Yuri hadn't noticed that Viktor was there or I imagined there would be screaming. Viktor smiled at me and my heart clenched.

"Hi," he said.

"Hello," I replied and I was very proud of myself that my voice remained as steady and as together as it did.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said and I wasn't sure if I did see a tiny flash of hurt across his eyes to know that but I don't know what else he expected me to say. "You?"

"I'm good," he said although, from what other people had told me, that was a lie. "Congratulations on getting to the final."

"Thank you," I said. "You too."

"Thank you," he said, smiling, "and congratulations on your gold in France. It's a shame I missed it."

"Yeah well..." I didn't have an end to that sentence so I just let it hang in the air.

It was awkward. It was awkward as hell because I could tell that Viktor wanted to bring him leaving up, I quite clearly didn't want to talk about it and we were just at a stand off. Not going to lie, seeing him flounder was rather satisfying as Viktor very rarely floundered (unless confronted with someone crying). I knew that at some point he was going to bring it up and we would have to talk about him leaving but, at that moment, I felt like watching him squirm.

"Yuuri I–" he began.

"Hey!" a loud shout from the other side of the changing room cut off whatever it was he was about to say. "What the fuck are you doing in here?" Yuri demanded.

"I'm a competitor," Viktor said, a hardness that I had only ever rarely heard creeping into his voice. "I have as much right to be here as you do."

"Whatever asshole," Yuri snarled. "Just stop being such a fucking stalker and get out."

"You've got quite the nasty temper on you Yurio," Viktor said, turning a steely glare on Yuri. "I'm amazed Yakov hasn't tried to beat it out of you yet, lord knows it would do you some good and it's the only training animals respond to."

"You wanna fight me old man?" Yuri hissed, bristling like a cat and I realised that this was my time to step in.

"Guys," I said, putting myself between the two of them, "this is hardly the time or the place unless you both want to get kicked out of the competition." I could feel Yuri practically shaking with rage as I placed my hand on his shoulder. "It's not worth it," I told him.

"Fine," he growled. He grabbed his Team Russia jacket and pulled it on. "You're not worth my time," he snarled at Viktor.

"Let's go Yura," I said and took Yuri's arm to steer him out of the changing room. I locked eyes with Viktor as we left, deciding to go with the cold and aloof for now and the look in his eyes was so hurt and broken that I felt my heart clench again. _No... he was the one who left you remember? He can just deal with it, this is what he gets._

When we left the changing rooms and got far enough away that I was sure he wasn't following us (although after the look I levelled him with I didn't think he would) I let go of Yuri's arm. A shaky exhale flew passed my lips and I leaned against the nearest wall, feeling completely deflated. I couldn't believe I had just done that. I couldn't believe that I had been so cold towards Viktor and I even felt a bit sick. I knew that I couldn't afford to go to pieces but this felt like finding out about Vicchan just before the competition.

"Hey," Yuri said after a pause, "are you okay?"

"I don't know," I replied. "I don't think I am." The urge to cry was almost overwhelming and I could already feel tears at the corners of my eyes.

Yuri sighed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just got so mad when I saw him and couldn't stop myself from yelling at him."

"It's fine," I said. "I won't tell Yakov."

"Thanks, he'd have me slaughtered."

I let out a soft laugh that very quickly turned into a sob. I placed my hand over my mouth to try to stop myself from bursting into tears. "I don't know if I can do this."

Yuri slipped his hand round the back of my neck and pulled me down so that my forehead was pressed against his. "Be amazing, like I know you can," he told me. "Show Viktor and the rest of the world just how good you are."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Thank you."

"It's okay," he said, smiling up at me as we pulled apart. "I mean you're still not going to beat me but I know you'll be amazing."

"Thank you," I said," you will be too."

"Damn straight I will."

* * *

My Short Program went incredibly well. By that point I knew the song inside out and knew exactly how to conserve my energy for the second half of the routine. I was very proud of myself that I didn't flub any of my jumps and that my step sequence was perfect. I tried not to think about Viktor watching me at first but the more I skated the more that thought actually fuelled me. He was going to be watching me and I was proving that I could do it without him. He had walked away and my life didn't depend on him anymore. It also greatly helped having Yuri and Otabek shouting 'davai!' at me just before I started and JJ and Phichit starting up a chant of my name (that the rest of the stadium joined in with) as I left the ice.

Viktor, on the other hand, did not do so well. He was clearly distracted and not only did he take a tumble about half way through his routine he also under-rotated on a few jumps. Everyone was quite surprised – not exactly what you'd expect from the former world champion. Yuri made a choice comment about our world records being safe in his earshot but I didn't say anything in return. I was too busy wondering if I was the reason Viktor was skating so badly. Was seeing me messing him up that much that he was skating like this? Or was it something else entirely and I was just sort of hoping I was the reason?

By the end of the day Viktor was at the bottom of the board, which surprised everyone. Yuri was top, Chris was second and I was third. Chris was over the moon and once again pulled Phichit into his arms for another very sexually charged, very public kiss. ' _Well someone's getting dick tonight_ ' Yuri had muttered, which had prompted both Otabek and I to give him admonishing looks. He probably wasn't wrong though.

Once it was all over, I was perfectly content to just go back to my hotel room and sleep. It had been an exhausting day and I needed to rest if I wanted to try and beat Yuri and Chris. I thought nothing of the knock at the door, wondering if it was Yuri and Otabek or JJ asking if I wanted to go and get some food with them (although I was planning to politely decline). When I opened it though I found myself face to face with Viktor.

"Hi," I said, my voice more breath than word and my heart instantly in my throat.

"Hello," he said.

"Can I help you?" I asked. It was an incredibly stupid thing to say but I had no idea what else _to_ say. He had obviously shown up here for a reason.

He winced slightly. "Ouch," he said with a soft chuckle.

"Sorry," I said shaking my head, "that came out wrong. Do you want to come in?"

"Sure," he said. I stepped aside so that he could walk into the room and I closed the door behind him. There was a tension, heavy and thick in the air but it wasn't the tension we had previously had between us when we were alone in hotel rooms together. This tension was awkward and I wanted to get this over as soon as possible.

"You okay?" I asked when the silence stretched on to unbearable.

"Ah yes," he said. "I was wondering if we could talk."

Silence.

I let that one hang in the air for a good few minutes. I knew that was why he was here – of course that was why he was here – but I didn't know how to respond. I didn't really know if I wanted to talk. One of the more pressing questions swirling round my head was _why are you doing this now?_ We were half way through the Grand Prix Final for crying out loud and he was choosing now, of all times, to talk about our failed relationship.

"I don't know if there's much to talk about," I said finally. That hurt was back in his eyes again but I was slowly discovering that I was caring less and less, more than anything I was just starting to be irritated by it. He was the one who had chosen to walk out, he wasn't going to be getting any of my sympathy.

"Really?" he asked and I could hear the catch in his voice. "You really have nothing to say to me."

"No I have a lot to say to you," I replied, my irritation starting to come through in my voice. "I just don't know if there's any point anymore."

"Please just hear me out," he begged.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Why are you doing this now Viktor?" I was tired and I didn't want to have to deal with this, not between my skates.

"Well I haven't exactly had the chance with your little guard dog around," he chuckled trying to make light of the situation.

"No you did," I said. "You had plenty of chances... five months of chances in fact."

"I'm sorry," Viktor said and he had the good grace to look upset about it.

"You just disappeared," I said and I could feel tears at my eyes. "No explanation, no nothing, you just left."

"I was a coward, I wasn't thinking," he said.

"In the middle of the night," I said, those tears now beginning to fall down my cheeks, "leaving nothing but a note that didn't say a whole lot."

"I'm so sorry Yuuri," Viktor said. "I didn't mean to cause you so much pain."

"I didn't know what I'd done!" I shouted through the tears. "You left and I didn't know what I'd done to push you away. I knew we were fighting and I knew things were hard but I thought we could have worked through it but then you disappeared. I tried to call you."

"I know and I was so close to just picking up the phone and coming home," he said, tears of his own starting to make their way down his cheeks.

"Then why didn't you!" I shouted clenching my eyes shut. "That entire night I was just praying that it was a dream, that I'd wake up and you'd still be there but you weren't and I didn't know what I was supposed to do."

"I'm sorry," Viktor said again. It seemed a bit hollow but, if I had been in his place, I wouldn't have known what I was supposed to say either.

"Ignoring the fact that you left without explanation as well you also left me in a country where I don't really speak the language and knew about four people!" I was on a bit of a roll now. All the feelings that I had been bottling up inside for the last few months were finally coming out and I didn't really want to stop them.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising!" I yelled.

"I... I just don't know what I can do to make things right with you," he said and he looked so hurt that a tiny part of my wanted to stop all of this and just hug him.

"You can't," I told him. "I didn't hear from you for months and now you just turn up out of the blue like this."

"I wanted to call so many times," he said. "I kept looking at your name in my phone and wanting to call."

"Why didn't you?"

"Would you have picked up?" he asked, countering my question with one of his own.

I sighed. "I don't know... maybe."

"I couldn't hope on 'maybe'," he said. He sighed. "I never stopped loving you," he said after a pause.

"What?"

"All the time we were apart I never stopped loving you," he said.

"Don't tell me that," I said, a fresh new wave of tears crashing over me.

"But it's true," he said. "Every so often I would go and look at your Instagram and just look at pictures of you. I wanted to know how you were doing and every time I did it broke my heart to see you and not be by your side."

"Then why did you leave in the first place?" I asked. "I still don't know and I don't know if it was because of something I did or what!"

"I couldn't stand the fact that I was the one who had caused you so much pain," Viktor said.

"Before you left?"

"After the accident," he said, hanging his head. "It was my fault that you had to pull out of the season, that you had to have so much physical therapy and that you felt you had to push yourself so much to keep up with everyone."

"That wasn't your fault," I said almost on default, I had gotten so used to saying it when we were together that it was just my response.

"Yes it was," Viktor sobs softly. "I wasn't paying attention to the road like I should have been. It should have been me that got hurt, not you."

"That's stupid," I said. "While, yeah, you should have been paying attention to the road we were both lucky that it wasn't worse."

"I know but I couldn't take the guilt," he said. "Seeing you struggling every day, not being able to do anything to help and knowing that I was the cause of it... I just got it into my head that you would be better off without me."

"All I needed was you," I told him. "All I needed was you to stay by my side and everything would have been alright. We would have worked through it."

"But you never spoke to me," he said. "I knew something was wrong but every time I tried to ask you what was wrong you would stubbornly insist that you were fine. I didn't know what was going on in your head so I came to my own conclusions."

"Oh..." He wasn't wrong. I'd never been good at talking about how I was feeling and I hadn't said anything to Viktor about the anger and resentment bubbling inside me after the accident because I didn't want to run the risk of him leaving.

"And this isn't me blaming you," Viktor said hurriedly. "That's not what I mean at all, I'm the one completely at fault here. I should have tried harder to find out but you were so closed off that I didn't know how to break through that."

"Guess we're both at fault for this," I said softly.

A silence fell between the two of us and I watch Viktor still softly crying. I didn't feel as if I had anymore tears to cry – I had spent so much of my time over the last year crying that I was just kind of empty. I couldn't think of anything left to say, everything had been said. It felt as if the air between us was clearer than it had been and now we just had to work out how we were going to move forward.

I watched tears still falling down Viktor's face, hidden slightly by his fringe, and I was overcome by that same compulsion that I had in Barcelona. I gave in, reached over and brushed his fringe away so that I could see both of his eyes, watery and red rimmed. He looked up from the floor and his eyes met mine.

"Hey..." he sniffed.

"You're a really ugly crier," I chuckled.

"Hey we don't all look like Liv Tyler," he laughed.

The tension and the distance between us was getting smaller and smaller by the minute. I could feel myself smiling as one of his arms slipped around my waist to pull me into a hug. I hugged him back and the two of us just stood there for a while, neither of us saying anything. We just stood there for a few minutes, our breath mingling and our bodies closer than they had been in so long. Just feeling Viktor in my arms was the best thing I could have asked for in that moment and it felt as if we understood each other now.

Without a word Viktor closed the distance between us and pressed his lips to mine. My heart began to pound as he kissed me and I wanted to melt into it there was something holding me back. I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. The fresh hurt that passed over his face nearly broke my heart all over again.

"Yuuri..."

"I want to Viktor," I said softly, "I really do but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm ready yet."

"Yet?" he asked and there was definitely hope in his voice. He understood what I was saying, that I wasn't going to take him back quite as easily as all that but I wasn't going to walk away altogether.

"I just need a bit of time," I said. "I need to get my head around all of this. It's a lot to take in."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said and gave him a small smile. "I understand now and, while we can't change what's happened, we can start to move forward."

"Please tell me what I can do to make things up to you," he said. "I don't think I can stay apart from you any longer. I love you."

"I love you too," I said. "I just need some time to think."

"I understand," he said, hanging his head again. "I understand if you don't want to give me another chance, I wouldn't if I was in your position."

"This isn't me saying no," I told him. "This isn't me saying that I don't want to try or anything like that. I just need some time to think."

"Of course," he said. "Take as much time as you need."

"Also your timing is impeccable," I teased.

"Well you know me," he said with a slight grin, "I never do things by halves."

"This is true."

"Hey Yuuri..." he began and I could see the nerves in his eyes, wondering every time he opened his mouth if he was going to be rejected.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you again?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and I turned away as I nodded. "Okay."

Viktor placed a slender finger under my chin and turned my head so that I was looking at him. He leaned down and I pushed myself up on my tiptoes slightly to meet him halfway. It was a sweet, chaste kiss and it made the rest of the world fall away, as if none of this had ever happened and we were just saying goodnight.

"Goodnight," he said as he pulled away and made to leave the room. I didn't want to leave it like that so I reached out and grabbed his wrist before he got too far away. He turned to look at me, surprised and hopeful. "Yuuri?"

"Come and see me tomorrow," I said. "After the competition is over, come and see me and we can talk some more."

"I will," he said with a smile. He took my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it before leaving the room.

As the door shut behind him I felt even more tired than I had been beforehand. I felt better having cleared the air and I couldn't deny that I did very much want to be his again but that would all have to wait. I was going to have to get through the next day first. I had done well in the Short Program and I didn't want to lose it all in the Free Skate. I still wanted to show Viktor (and the world) that I could get gold without him but it wasn't to prove to him that I was better off without him anymore. Any malice I had felt had gone and now I was just determined to win, everything else could wait.


	13. Yuuri On Ice

**Morning everyone, brand new chapter, hope you enjoy :D**

Things between Viktor and I were much less tense and awkward the next day. When I saw him at the rink I smile and he seemed to light up at that. It was clear he hadn't had a great deal of sleep the night before but as he took to the ice to perform he seemed more like himself than I had seen him all season (and I had been keeping tabs on him). His smile only lit up more as we locked eyes and I called 'davai' out to him before he began.

His skate was beautiful and it felt as if we were seeing some of the old Viktor back. He still wasn't on the top form he had been in previous years but his score was good enough that he might still be able to place on the podium if everyone else skated particularly badly. As I watched him I thought about all he had said the night before. While he was still an idiot and a coward and most of the other things that people had been saying about him since he left me, he wanted to make things right. He had come to me to make things right and I wanted to show him that I wasn't just going to walk away.

"I need to change the music for my program," I announced to Yakov as JJ took to the ice to begin.

Yakov looked at me like I'd just sprouted horns and a tale. "Are you insane?" he asked incredulously.

"Probably," I replied. It was utter madness but it felt like the most sensible decision I'd made in months.

"Doing that this late in the game is incredibly risky," he said. "It could even cost you the competition and you're doing so well."

"I know," I agreed and that had occurred to me as well, "but this is just something that I need to do."

Yakov sighed. "Just for the record I was against this if it all goes to hell but if it's what you want, do you know what piece you're changing to?"

"I do."

* * *

I stood in the centre of the ice, ready to begin. I knew this was crazy – and not just changing a jump halfway through the routine, this was career ending crazy – but I was committed to it. I took a deep breath and, as the familiar piano started up, began to skate. There was instantly a tension throughout the stadium, I could feel every single pair of eyes on me even if I couldn't see them. I'd always wanted to surprise the world like Viktor did and now I was actually doing it. Changing my music three minutes before starting to skate was risky and, as Yakov said, could hurt my chances of placing on the podium, but I needed to show Viktor how I felt.

"And in a shocking turn of events Katsuki has changed his music from his the piece he has been using throughout the season to his 'Yuri on Ice' theme from two years ago," I heard the commentator say. "His theme for this season is 'I Will Rise Again'. After having to pull out of last year's Final for health reasons it seems that he is back and stronger than ever going from strength to strength."

He continued talking but I blocked him out. All I could think about was Viktor (so just like every other time I've skated) and showing him that I still loved him. I did. I could pretend to Yuri, Yakov and the rest of them but I did still love him. I didn't know what was going to happen after the competition was over but I needed him to know that at least.

It was the best I had ever performed the routine and by the time the music came to an end I could feel the emotion welling up in me and tears starting to prick the corners of my eyes. The entire stadium was silent for a brief second before they erupted into screams. I heard someone shout my name over roaring all around me and I turned to see Viktor standing at the Kiss and Cry with Yakov.

"Viktor," his name ghosted passed my lips and I skated towards him, desperate to be near him but not knowing what to do when I got there. Should I hug him? Kiss him? Give him an awkward and anticlimactic handshake? In the end I didn't have to decide – Viktor did it for me. As soon as I stepped off the ice he slipped his hand round the back of my neck and pulled me into a searing, passionate kiss.

The stadium went wild all over again but neither of us paid them any mind. All I could think about was Viktor's lips on mine. We were both swept up in the emotion of it all; my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest and I clung to him for all I was worth. We stayed like that for much longer than necessary before Yakov cleared his throat.

Viktor pulled away and smiled down at me. I could see the tears in his eyes. "I wanted to make sure the last time I kissed you was something spectacular as I feel that wasted my chance last time."

Tears immediately welled in my own eyes as the implication of his words sunk in. _Does he mean he's leaving again?_ I wanted to ask. I wanted to break down and cry, beg him not to go but I couldn't seem to make my mouth work. All I could do was stand there and stare at him because he did not just sound like he was breaking up with me all over again after kissing me like that in front of all those people.

A hand on my shoulder brought me back to the real world and I turned to see Yakov standing behind me. "Come on," he said. "Time to get your score."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him lead me away without a backwards glance at Viktor. If he had already walked away I didn't think I could handle it.

"What was all that about?" Yakov asked.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully.

"If you're considering going back to him you make sure that he treats you right this time," Yakov said.

"Thank you," I said, realising that was as close to approval from him as I was getting, "but I don't know what's going to happen."

"Concentrate on your score now," Yakov told me. "Worry about everything else later."

I nodded. As we passed Yuri he handed me a stuffed pig wearing a leopard print jumper and I hugged it tightly to my chest as we sat down and waited. Hugging the pig as tightly as I could I realised that I couldn't look up at the score. What I had just done was incredibly stupid and there was a good chance I had just flushed my entire career down the toilet for a shot at getting my ex to not leave (which may all have been for nothing anyway). Squeezing my eyes shut, I sat and waited for my fate to be handed to me.

"And the scores for Katsuki are in," the commentator said and I felt my heart drop. "225.74! Incredible! Katsuski remains the World Record holder for the Men's Free Skate, surpassing himself from two years ago. That, added to his Short Program score of 116.42, pushes him up to 342.16 and he storms into first place."

I blinked up at the score board. I don't really know why, I couldn't see anything. Yakov handed me my glasses and I stared in amazement. Had that actually just happened? I couldn't quite take it in but by the way the stadium was screaming I knew it must be. The spell was broken when Phichit suddenly launched himself on me, hugging me tightly. I don't think Yakov was overly happy about him suddenly turning up but I didn't care. It was real, that had actually happened and there was a good chance that I could win gold.

And I did. Yuri took silver, Chris took bronze and both of them beamed up at me as I stood in the centre of the podium holding a gold medal and feeling more than a little confused. It was all so surreal and I had to keep reminding myself that I _had_ just won gold, on my home soil as well. I could just imagine my mum and dad watching it on the TV with everyone around them. Dad would probably be crying and Mum would be calling everyone she knew to ask the if they had seen it and tell them if they hadn't.

Everything was a surreal blur as the three of us left the ice and made our way to the changing rooms. Chris had already wrapped his arm around Phichit's shoulders, Phichit gazing up at him adoringly and Yuri was talking animatedly to Otabek who smiled at him. I hung back slightly, wondering if it would all stop being true if I went back to the changing room although the medal around my neck told me that it was real. I had done it. I had won gold at the Grand Prix Final, it felt like I'd finally done it. It would have been a good place to retire if I didn't think Yuri would slaughter me if I mentioned it.

"Hi," a soft, familiar voice, said from behind me. I turned and saw Viktor smiling at me and my heart leapt.

"Hi," I said. I wanted to ask him what he meant about that last kiss comment but I didn't know how to put it into words.

"Congratulations," he said. "You were amazing out there today."

"I finally got a gold for you," I said, my voice catching in my throat. The threat of tears was already thick in my voice and I didn't know what to do about it. Clearly the two of us had been way too swept up in the emotion before because now we were as awkward with each other as we had been just before the Short Program.

"Would you still allow me to kiss it?" Viktor asked.

"Well you've always wanted to," I chuckled softly. My entire body stiffened as he slipped a hand around the back of my medal and brought it up to his lips. I couldn't take my eyes off his lips and I wondered if he would kiss me again afterwards. I didn't know if I wanted him to or not either and that was what was confusing me so much.

"Thank you," he said as he settled it back in the centre of my chest. He reached over and brushed a wayward strand of my hair back to where it had been, My breath stilled in my throat as we just stood there looking at each other in a deserted corridor, frozen in time and just looking at each other.

* * *

 _"So after that did you..." I press heavily implying that the two of them went up to Yuuri's hotel room and didn't come out for the rest of their stay, hoping that it's going to get juicy again. Can you blame me? Wouldn't you want to hear the intimate details of Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki's sex lives?_

 _"No," Yuuri says with a chuckle. "There was the banquet to get through first and I was still sceptical about everything. I didn't know what I wanted, I didn't know what was going on in Viktor's head and, realistically, we needed to have a good long talk about everything before we got into anything again."_

 _"It sounds like there should be a 'but' on the end of that sentence," I say._

 _"Well..." he says with a sheepish grin, "neither of us have been fantastic about talking things through."_


	14. We Were In Screaming Colour

**Hey guys, I hope you enjoy this next chapter where everything finally comes together and you get the happy ending you all knew was coming :)**

The banquet was just like every other banquet I'd been to: filled with skaters, their coaches, sponsors, posh food, sophisticated music and someone (usually Chris) trying to spike the non-alcoholic stuff in order to lower the tone. I had made a point of not drinking. I wanted to keep a clear head for if I did end up talking to Viktor and I did not want to go through another Sochi experience.

All evening people came up to me, skaters and sponsors alike, to congratulate me on my gold. _My gold..._ It still felt like a strange dream but I knew it was real. It had to be, it was up in my room after all. I dutifully answered everyone's questions (well most of them, there were a few subjects I wasn't ready to talk about but I deflected those quite easily) and allowed myself to be congratulated by them all. I could see Viktor out of the corner of my eye, standing on the sidelines and watching the room at large, but I knew his gaze flickered over in my direction more than anyone else's. Whenever our eyes met I would smile at him and he would return it.

We hadn't really talked much after he kissed my medal, both of us having to leave to get changed and the corridor no longer being deserted. He was clearly waiting for the right time to come and talk to me but I was, unfortunately, never left alone long enough for him to be able to sweep in.

As the evening wore on and the dancing started a slow song began to play and everyone drifted to the centre of the room and paired off. Chris swept Phichit into his arms, JJ took Isabella's hand to the dance floor, Yuri and Otabek stood in the corner looking at something on Yuri's phone and I saw Mila and Sara stepping out together. This seemed like a good time for me to leave, head back to my hotel room and get some sleep.

I was about to leave when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Viktor standing behind me, looking stunningly handsome in his suit and smiling down at me. He extended his hand to me.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked.

I looked at his hand for a second and then up into his face. Well dancing seemed as good a time to talk as any. I took his hand. "I'd love to," I said.

He led me to the dance floor with all the other couples, slipping his arm around my waist and we began to dance. Being in his arms felt so nice: he was warm and he was there in front of me. I could touch him for the first time in months and that felt so good. I felt like everything was as it should be.

"You look absolutely stunning," Viktor said as we danced.

"Thank you," I said and I could feel a blush beginning to spring up on my cheeks, "so do you."

"Thank you," Viktor smiled.

We fell into silence for a moment and I wondered if I should just ask the question that had been burning my mind ever since we left the rink. Communication and being scared of the outcome of what I might hear had always been my problem – it was how we had gotten into this mess in the first place. I thought it was time to change that. If Viktor and I were to make a go of things again, I mean _really_ make a go of things then we would have to learn to talk to each other. I didn't want to get back together with him just to 'see what happens'. If this is what we both wanted, I wanted 'all in', no messing around because I couldn't face the chance that I would have to say goodbye to him again.

"What did you mean back at the rink?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"About if that was the last time you kissed me," I clarified.

Colour rose on Viktor's cheeks. "Well I do feel as if I missed my chance last time, I wanted to right that and then seemed as good a time as any."

"No I mean what did you mean about it being the last time you kissed me?" I asked.

"Well I wasn't sure that you'd ever want to see me again after tonight," he replied. "I wouldn't blame you in the slightest if you didn't after what I did."

"Are you talking about the accident or about leaving?" I asked.

Viktor shrugged. "Either... both... I just... I know I hurt you, in more ways than one and what I did was unforgivable so I would understand if you never wanted to see me again."

"How would you compete?" I asked.

"I'd retire," he replied with such certainty it was a little shocking. "I'm getting on a bit so it seems as good a time as any."

"Oh yes because you're so old," I chuckled rolling my eyes. "We'll need to get you a Zimmer Frame and your pension."

"You joke," Viktor said. "Yurio's always calling me old."

"Yura's sixteen," I said. "Everyone's old to him."

"True."

"Do you not want to see me again?" I asked after a pause.

"I don't know how I've survived these last few months without you by my side," he replied. "It has been hell and I don't know if I can go through it again but if you want to end it all tonight then I'll understand."

I leaned up ever so slightly and brushed my lips against his in the faintest imitation of a kiss. He looked shocked when I pulled away but I paid that no mind. "I'm not happy with what you did – leaving like that and not speaking to me for months – but I don't want to spend any more time apart from you either."

His eyes began to fill and a relieved smile spread over his face. "Yuuri..."

"But if we're doing this I don't want to do it by halves," I continued.

"What do you mean?"

"I want us to go back to how things were before this all started," I clarified. "Not just 'seeing where it goes' with the chance that it might not work out. I mean obviously we'll both have to learn to talk about things more because we can't keep things bottled up and go through all this again. I don't want to wake up and find you've left again and I promise I'll talk about things as well. I'll tell you when I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed and, I promise this now, if we do return to the way things were I won't ever hold this against you. If we argue I won't use it to hurt you."

"Thank you," he said, his voice catching.

"So, with that in mind, I'd like to just forget about the last few months and carry on from where we left off," I said. "How about you?" I was putting my heart on the line as there was still a chance that he would turn around and say no, that this was a bad idea and that we should just leave it and only see each other at tournaments.

"I would very much like that too," he said.

I reached up and pressed a kiss to his lips again. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest I was so happy. I was with Viktor again and everything just seemed so right. I was willing to forget it all and try again and so was he. Finally I could stop living in this state of just wishing that he would come back to me.

The dance came to an end and Viktor took my hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. The banquet was beginning to wind down and it seemed like a good time to slip out back to my room without anyone noticing.

"Walk me to my room?" I asked. I don't know if Viktor knew that I was implying I wanted him to stay the night but he smiled all the same.

"Of course."

He took my hand, linking our fingers together and we slipped out of the room. Clearly it wasn't as unnoticed as we thought as, a few seconds after we left to head down the adjoining corridor, a voice called after us.

"Hey!" We both turned to see Yuri standing in front of the closed door, his expression unreadable but his eyes hard. "Can I have a word?"

"Sure thing Yura, what's up?" I asked, assuming that he wanted to talk to me.

"Not with you," he said, his gaze fixed on Viktor. "Although you'd better know what you're doing."

"I do," I told him.

"Good," he said and gave me a small smile before he turned back to Viktor. "If you hurt him again there will be hell to pay."

"I understand," Viktor said and, looking back, I have to laugh at the absurdity of Viktor getting told off by a teenager.

"I don't think you do," Yuri said. "I don't just mean hell to pay from me. There's the rest of the team and a lot of other people on the circuit. Katsudon's well liked."

"I know," Viktor said, giving my hand a squeeze. "It's been a lonely few months."

"You're not getting my sympathy," Yuri said.

"I wasn't looking for it," Viktor replied.

"Good," Yuri said. "Just be nice to him okay?"

"I will," Viktor said turning to smile at me. "I promise."

"Urgh," Yuri groaned, rolling his eyes, "you're already disgusting again. I'm going back inside, I've said what I needed to."

"See you later Yura," I smiled at him.

"Later." He disappeared back inside, leaving Viktor and I alone in the corridor.

"Well that went better than expected," Viktor chuckled.

"Yeah, you still have all your limbs," I said with a chuckle of my own. "Shall we go upstairs?"

"Yes, let's."

The walk up to my room was uneventful. Neither of us really said much, I asked what he had been doing during the time we were apart. Not a lot as it transpired. Mostly (as Phichit had told me) he had been hanging out at Chris' place, feeling sad. We glossed over that quite quickly and fell back into silence until we finally reached my door. I turned to look at him, I could feel a heat creeping up the back of my neck and I was a little nervous about what I was going to ask him but it was what I wanted. I just had to build up to it.

"So," I said, "this is me."

"It is," Viktor said.

"Would you like to come inside?" I asked. My face felt like it was on fire but it must have looked relatively normal as he didn't mention it.

"If you want me to," he replied. I think he knew what I was implying and he was being a gentleman but I didn't want him to be.

I pushed myself up again, slipping my hand around the back of his neck to pull him into a hot, lingering kiss, like the one we had shared at the rink. This one was a lot slower and a lot more passionate and when I pulled away he was full on flushing. He looked so adorable and shocked that it was clear he needed the clarification.

"I do."

I turned and unlocked my door before taking his hand and leading him inside. As soon as the door was closed we were on each other; my hands in his hair, his arms wrapping around my waist as we kissed like we were the only two people in the world. I gave his bottom lip a gentle nip and he opened his mouth allowing me to slip my tongue out to massage it against his. He moaned softly into my mouth and it vibrated through his entire body, pulling my own from my throat. One of my hands slipped from his hair to pull gently at his tie, trying to undo it with one hand.

"I hate this neck-tie," he panted as we pulled apart for breath, his hands instantly flying to mine to undo it.

"I'm not getting rid of it," I said, equally as breathless.

"Good," he said. He undid it as I finally managed to get his undone and they both fell to the floor. They wouldn't be the last item of our clothing that ended up on the floor either.

Once they were both gone Viktor kissed me again, hot and heavy, walking me backwards until the back of my knees hit my bed. I fell down to sit on the edge of the mattress, looking up at him and I could only imagine how I looked in the lights streaming in from the outside world. At least he wouldn't be able to see just how much I was blushing in the dark. I swiftly kicked my shoes off, they would only get in the way later, without taking my eyes off him.

"God you're so beautiful," he said leaning down to kiss me, threading his fingers through my hair to pull me closer.

As we kissed I reached up to undo first the buttons of his suit jacket and then the buttons of his shirt, wanting to get down to skin as fast as possible. I had them both completely open before he even noticed. He jumped slightly as I slipped my hand under his open shirt to caress his stomach, relishing the feeling of his muscles twitching under my touch.

"I've missed this," I said as he pulls back.

"Missed my hot body?" he asked teasingly as he pulls back and shrugs off both jacket and shirt.

"Of course," I replied but my voice stuck in my throat and I didn't sound quite as sure of myself as I wanted to. Viktor without clothes on still looked like a god and I was ready to pray at that alter again. I began undoing the buttons on my jacket but my fingers fumbled with the ones on my shirt.

"Here," Viktor said taking hold of my wrists and moving my hands away from where I was clearly struggling with my clothing. "Let me."

"Okay."

I slipped my jacket off and allowed him to push me down onto the mattress, straddling my waist so that I was underneath him. He lowered his head to press a kiss to my neck and began a trail of hot, open mouthed kisses down my chest as he undid each button. His lips were like fire on my skin and I felt as if I might explode. Slowly, teasingly slowly almost, he finally got my shirt open, exposing my chest to him. I was very pleased with the fact that I had managed to stay in such good shape over the past year (although the temptation to eat my feelings had been there). His eyes raked over my body and I heard his breath still.

"Like what you see?" I asked, glancing coquettishly through my eyelashes.

"I _love_ what I see," he replied. "You're so beautiful."

He leaned down to kiss me again and I sat up to meet him halfway. His hands found purchase in my hair while I slipped my fingers into his belt loops to pull him closer. I wanted to feel every part of him and one of my hands travelled to his backside for a cheeky grope. He groaned into my mouth before pulling back to smile at me.

"Eager?" he asked, his tone teasing.

"Of course," I said. "Felt you watching me all night, wanted you to just do something with me."

"Then I guess I shouldn't keep you waiting any longer," he said.

He helped me up, repositioning me on the bed so that I was lying less awkwardly and kissing my neck again. I let my head fall back into the pillows, exposing more neck for him, and clung to his back as I felt teeth scrape against my already sensitive skin. A soft breathy moan escaped my throat, making me cling tighter to his shoulders. I was already hard and desperate, needing him to do something more but I couldn't find my voice to tell him so I did the next best thing.

I rolled my hips up, grinding my cock over his and I could feel just how hard he was. A guttural groan sounded in his throat and vibrated right through me so I felt it in my spine, making me melt under him. He pulled away from my neck to look down at me and there was a fire blazing in his eyes that I hadn't seen in so long.

"Are you trying to entice me?" he asked. "Because you really don't need to, I already want to spread your legs and sink inside you."

I moaned softly at that thought. "Then do something about it."

"As you wish."

His lips found my skin again but this time his kisses continued down. He made a brief stop at my chest to scrape his teeth over one of my nipples, making me arch and cry out. It already felt as if it was too much and I desperately wanted him to continue so that things didn't end too quickly. I was so on edge I felt as if anything could tip me over. I reached up with shaking hands to tangle my fingers in his hair but he had already moved on by the time I reached him.

Kisses trailed lower and lower and clung to the sheets beneath me to stop myself from loosing it completely as he reached the hem of my trousers. Shakily I pushed myself up onto my elbows so that I could watch him. He looked up, locking eyes with me as he undid the buttons on my trousers. I swallowed as he took the zip in his teeth and, without breaking eye contact slowly pulled it down. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, the only thing louder was the sound of the zip. I was going to lose it if he carried on like that and, judging by the gleam in his eye, he was going to.

"Hips up star," he told me, hooking his fingers inside both my trousers and boxers.

A shiver rippled through me at the long forgotten nickname and I did as I was told. His fingers brushed my shin the entire time it took him to pull the last of my clothes off, leaving me completely exposed underneath him. Sitting back on his heels he looked down, appraising his handiwork. His eyes raked over me, lingering on my rock hard cock, jutting out and begging for attention, and my face, flushed, sweaty and debauched. I couldn't take him staring anymore, I needed to do something about it so I wrapped a trembling hand around my cock and began to jerk it slowly.

"Ah Viktor," I moaned, letting my head fall back into the pillows. I felt the heat of his body enveloping me as he loomed over me. His hand wrapped around my, controlling the speed of my strokes.

"You always look so good when you're touching yourself for me," he said, his voice low and dangerous. All I could do was groan in response as his teeth found my earlobe. I was falling apart and I needed more.

"V... Viktor..." I groaned and it sounded debauched, even to my own ears so I have no idea what he thought but the responding groan spoke volumes.

"Don't worry star," he said, "I won't leave you like this for long. Trust me, it's taking everything I have not to just take you right now but I want this to be perfect."

He pulled away and I tried not to whimper at the loss. He got off the bed completely and my eyes were glued to his hands as he began undoing his own trousers. With a grace that I had neglected he slipped his shoes off before he slowly, teasingly slowly almost, undid the zip on his trousers. My breath was ragged and my entire being focused on him as he hooked his fingers under both layers of clothing and pulled them off so that he stood naked before me.

It was a sight I hadn't seen for a long time and it made my heart stop. I had pictures on my phone from before but I hadn't had the strength to delete them or the desire to look at them so they had just sat there. Now he stood in front of me and he was so perfect and so hard that I just had to have a taste. I pushed myself up and crawled over to the edge of the bed towards him, barely giving him any time to react before I took his cock in my mouth. He felt so good that I took him right to the back of my throat without even thinking about it.

"Oh fuck!" Viktor choked out, a hand reaching up to grab my hair. "Oh fuck Yuuri."

The hand in my hair tightened but I didn't stop. I could feel Viktor's cock pulsing in my mouth and I could tell that he was close. I wanted it. I wanted to feel him cum in my mouth, wanted to relish the taste and have him complete destroy me in the best way. His grip in my hair became vice like and I allowed him to pull me off his cock with the most filthy sound imaginable.

Lips were on mine again, his tongue rubbing against mine and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I reached up to cling to his shoulders as he pushed me back down onto the mattress so that he was between my legs.

"God Yuuri," he panted between kisses, "you're going to be the absolute death of me you know that."

"G... good way to go," I chuckled.

"You wound me," he said. "Not even remotely apologetic."

"Shut up and fuck me," I said grinning at him. I bit my bottom lip, letting my teeth run over the plum flesh and I felt Viktor's cock twitch against my thigh.

"If my Yuuri commands it," he said. He kissed my lips once more before getting up again. I tried not to whine at the loss but I already missed his warmth. "Do you have lube or condoms or anything?" he asked.

Through the lust filled haze that was my brain I tried to remember. "I think there might be some in my case that I never really unpacked from the last time we were away together," I told him but I wasn't sure. I could have been terrible at unpacking – like usual – or I could have actually emptied my suitcase for a change.

Viktor went over to the small sofa in the corner of the room, which was currently home to my suitcase and began to rummage through it. It didn't take him long and he emerged a moment later, holding up a small bottle of lube and a condom in elation.

"For once your terrible habit has paid off," he teased.

"Shut up and get over here," I said. I could feel my face flushing but hopefully it wouldn't be noticeable.

A wicked grin spread over his face as he crossed the room to me. He knelt on the bed, in between my spread legs, one of his hands running up the back of my thigh to give the flesh a firm grasp. My breath caught in my throat and I had to swallow my nerves. I felt like a virgin all over again. It felt like the first time Viktor had ever taken me to bed, how slowly he had taken everything and how he had been determined to make sure that I was alright, but the underlying passion that filled everything we did together was burning stronger than ever.

Viktor opened the lube and squirted some of it onto his hands, spreading it around to completely coat his fingers. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine as he slipped the first finger in. It hurt, I'm not going to lie. It had been so long since I had slept with him it was quite an uncomfortable sensation, no matter how much lube he used, and I reached up to cling to his shoulders.

We stayed like that for a moment before he gave his finger a light thrust. That felt better than him just being still and a soft moan sounded in his throat. He seemed to take this as his cue as he began to thrust his finger in and out of me. My grip on his shoulders tightened as pleasure began to course through me. It felt so good, I was melting under him. I wanted all of him and I wanted it as soon as possible.

A second and then a third finger joined the first and I was a panting, moaning mess under Viktor's touch. Everything was all too much and I had to cling to him to anchor myself to the real world, part of me wondering if this was a feverish dream. It wasn't though. His solid shoulders under my grasp told me that it wasn't. It was all wonderfully real and so was the pleasure coursing through me.

"You alright star?" he asked after a particularly hard thrust drew out a long, low moan. The grin on his face said he knew exactly what he was doing as well and I was wondering if I would even by able to speak.

"Y... yeah," I groaned as his fingers just brushed my prostate once again. He was doing it on purpose and he knew it too but I didn't really care. I wanted more. "Please," I begged, "please I'm ready... I need..."

"What do you need beautiful?" he asked.

"Ah! Fuck me!" I cried out in response. I should have been mindful about how loud my voice was and the other people in the corridor as I had no idea how thick the walls were but at that moment I couldn't even begin to care.

Viktor pressed his lips to mine in a searing kiss as he slipped his fingers out. He swallowed the whimper of protest that left my lips before pulling away to sit back on his heals again. Taking the condom packet in his teeth he tore it open and the sight was so sexy I felt my cock twitch. My eyes were fixated on his hands again as he rolled the latex over himself before he took up the lube again and coated himself in it.

 _Fuck!_

Just the thought that that was going to be inside me again was enough to make my head spin and my mouth go dry. He put on a show of it as well; letting his head fall back to expose the beautiful column of his neck, moaning hotly as he stroked himself and making sure to show off just how hard he was. A hand flew to my own cock, stroking myself in time with him at the sheer erotic sight before me.

"You're so beautiful," Viktor said, marvelling at the sight of me spread out and desperate on the bed beneath him, "and so impatient."

"Can't help it," I panted. "You look so good and I missed this."

"I won't keep you waiting then."

He positioned himself between my legs, taking hold of my wrist and removing my hand from my cock, before he began to slowly slide inside me. I could feel myself practically burning as he pushed further and further in until his hips were pressed, flush against me. I slowly let out the breath I had been holding as I clung to his shoulders, his name on my lips. His jaw was clenched from the effort of staying still, giving me time to adjust to the long forgotten feeling. My fingers must have been a vice like grip because he turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of one of my wrists.

"You okay down there star?" he asked.

"I'm okay," I panted, trying to relax a little. "Just feels so good."

"You feel amazing," he said. With a slightly trembling hand he reached up and took hold of the arm of my glasses. "Let's get these off, shall we?"

"No wait!" I cried. "I want to be able to see you."

Viktor slipped my glasses off and placed them on the bedside table before coming back to press a hot kiss to my lips.

"I'm close enough for you to see," he said and it was true, with our proximity I could see him quite clearly.

"You... you can move now," I said tentatively, still afraid that this spell would be broken and I'd be in here on my own.

His answer was to pull out and slam back in only seconds later, thrusting deep inside me. I clung to him even harder, blunt nails digging into his shoulders, as he began to pick up the pace. It felt amazing – like we had never stopped doing this – and I was even more of a panting moaning mess than I had been beforehand. I pressed my lips to every bit of his skin that I could reach, drunk on him after being without for so long. I could already feel him pulsing inside me and I knew that I was very far off, especially as he angled his thrusts to really slam into my prostate. God, it felt fucking fantastic!

"Viktor..." I panted, trying to form words over the pleasure coursing through me but the only one I seemed to be able to remember was his name.

"God, Yuuri," he said, equally as breathless. "You're so good, so perfect."

"I'm so close!"

"Me too my love."

Holding himself up on one hand he reached down and began to pump my cock in time with his thrusts. It was too much; the feeling of him inside me coupled with his hand on my cock. If felt as if I had died and gone to heaven. I could feel myself teetering on the edge and, after a few more strokes, I came with Vitkor's name on my lips.

A few more thrusts past my tightening muscles and I felt Viktor cum too, white hot and pulsing inside me. He continued to thrust into my over-sensitive body, so that we both rode out the pleasure, before the arm he was holding himself on gave out. He just about managed to pull out before collapsing onto the mattress next to me. Almost instantly he turned to smile at me, brushing my sweaty fringe out of my eyes.

"God you're so beautiful," he said, just marvelling at me.

"You may have mentioned that once or twice," I chuckled. "So are you."

He linked his fingers with mine, wrapping an arm around me to pull me close. I rested my head against his chest, listening to his heart beat as it began to slow to normal. This was what I had wanted for so long and it felt so good to be back with him, finally.

"Come home," I told him.

"What?"

"Come home," I said again, lifting my head so that he could hear me properly.

A smile spread across his face. "I'd love that more than anything."

"Good," I said giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "We've acquired a Yurio, by the way."

"Replacing me that quickly?" he asked with a grin.

"Not a chance," I said grinning back before I leaned up and kissed him again. "Now that you're here I'm never letting you go again."

"Good," he said. "I'm never leaving again."

"Good."


	15. Epilogue

**Hey guys :D so here it is, the last chapter! Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing it has meant the world to me and I love you all so much. Hope you enjoy this last bit and there will be another story set in this timeline (an Otayuri story called _Shades of Gold and Silver_ ) coming next month so if you want to check that out please do. Until next time ^_^**

 _"And your career pretty much went from strength to strength after that," I say._

 _"Yeah," Yuuri replies. "I got my own collection of golds, from various events – I got to go to the Olympics and I got to meet some amazing people. I got to watch Yurio go from strength to strength as well and I even managed to beat him sometimes. When I look back on where I was before I met Viktor it all just seems crazy."_

 _"'Cause you were ready to retire after that year weren't you?"_

 _"There were quite a few years where I was ready to retire but people kept pushing me, telling me that I shouldn't and that it wasn't time for me to go yet and I'm so thankful to them for that. If they hadn't I never would have got to where I am."_

 _"Because you were ranked number one in the world for a while there," I say._

 _"I was," he chuckles. "I still hold the world record for the Free Skate but Yurio's catching up. He'll probably take that title soon."_

 _"And no problems with the knee?" I ask._

 _"Not a one," he replies shaking his head. "I mean I could have been more sensible when it was first healing but, luckily I didn't do any permanent damage to it."_

 _"I'll bet your glad that it never became a problem throughout the rest of your career," I say._

 _"I am so very glad," he says. "It could have just ended my career that night but it didn't and I'm very grateful for that. I've been able to do so many amazing things."_

 _"Well the medals and trophies speak for themselves," I say._

 _"They certainly do," he agrees, "and I feel I can now retire on my own terms – not because an injury dictates I have to. I feel as if I can be proud of what I've done and turn my attention to something new."_

 _"Any ideas?"_

 _He shrugs. "I don't really know at the moment. All I've ever known is skating so that's going to be an adjustment but I'm sure I'll find something. There's always the rink back in Hasetsu if I really miss it and I'm sure Yuko won't say no to a little extra help, considering that her last baby turned out to be twins I think she's got her hands quite full."_

 _"And you and Viktor?" I ask even though that much is obvious, I just want to know when and how._

 _"He asked me to marry him the following year, just after I took gold at Worlds," he says. "Funny thing is I had planned on proposing to him that night but he beat me to it. We got married in Hasetsu a few months later. It wasn't an overly showy affair but we had the important people there. Chris was Viktor's best-man, Phichit was mine."_

 _"They're engaged now, aren't they?" I ask._

 _"Knowing both of them like I do it was be all over social media," he chuckles._

 _"Well the rest of their relationship has been," I laugh. We fall into silence for a moment. I feel like I should say something, offer some kind of appreciation to him for the interview and everything else on top of that. "Thank you," I say finally._

 _"What for?" he asks._

 _"For indulging me," I reply. "I understand that that particular part of your life might not be the easiest to talk about but you told me everything and you didn't have to."_

 _He shrugs. "I think it's about time everyone knew," he says. "I never intended to keep it a secret but no one would come out and actually ask me. I think they were all a bit too nervous because there was so much speculation around it."_

 _"There was a lot of that."_

 _"So really I should be thanking you," he says with a smile that just makes my heart melt. "If it wasn't for you actually asking I probably never would have volunteered the story."_

 _"I'm honoured that you told me," I say._

 _"How much is your boss going to love you when you tell them this?" he asks, grinning._

 _"So much," I reply. "I might even get a pay rise."_

 _He laughs. "Glad I could be of assistance then."_

 _I reach over and turn off the Dictaphone. We don't really have anything else to talk about and a second later there is a knock at the door._

 _"Come in," Yuuri calls over his shoulder._

 _The door opens and Viktor steps in, looking a little older than when I last saw him at Worlds a couple of years ago but no less handsome and distinguished. He smiles at me and, much like when I met Yuuri, I can't help but feel a little intimidated. I mean this is_ the _Viktor Nikiforov. Regardless whether he's retired or not he is still a living legend._

 _"How's everything going?" he asks. "You done with my Yuuri yet?"_

 _My Yuuri... If that isn't the most beautiful and adorable thing you've ever heard then you have no soul._

 _"I think we are done, yeah," I say smiling at him. I pack my Dictaphone and my notebook back into my bag and get to my feet. Yuuri does as well. "Thank you so much," I say to him. "That was fantastic."_

 _"I'm glad it was more interesting than most retirement interviews," he laughs._

 _"They're never boring," I say. "This one was just particularly eventful."_

 _"I'm glad."_

 _I slip my bag onto my shoulder and I follow the two of them out of the office and into the hall. Katsu is at the door already, barking happily when he sees us. He comes to sniff around the hem of my jeans, making it difficult to move but I don't mind that much. I reach down and stroke him behind the ears, relishing how soft he feels. Maybe I should get a dog..._

 _Once he's had his fill of attention he trots off back to the bed where Makkachin is yawning and stretching. I put both my coat and boots back on, ready to brave the outside weather – it had been nice and warm in Yuuri's office I had kind of forgotten that it was so shit outside and I'm not overly looking forward to going back out into it but I'll deal. I turn to smile at the both of them and it makes my heart melt a little to see Viktor's arm around Yuuri's shoulder, looking down at him with such devotion._

 _"Thank you again for your hospitality," I say, reaching over to shake Yuuri's hand._

 _"Not at all," he smiles warmly. "I'm glad that you enjoyed the story."_

 _"Very much so," I say. I turn to Viktor who also shakes my hand (I am never washing this hand again, they've both touched it). "It was nice to meet you."_

 _"You too," he says. "Thank you for looking after my Yuuri."_

 _"No problem," I say. "I'll email you a copy of the article before I send it to print if you'd like."_

 _"That would be fantastic, thank you," Yuuri says._

 _I nod and with a wave I leave. The weather outside is biting and I've only taken a few steps before I'm cold again. I don't mind so much as I pull out my phone, not bothering with gloves for the moment. Your number is there, right at the top and I hit call. I have to tell you everything, I'm so excited. You pick up after only three rings._

 _"Hey love," you say, "how did it go?"_

 _"It was amazing," I reply, "like you wouldn't believe how amazing. I have so much to tell you."_

 _"Well hurry up and get back to the hotel," you say and I can hear the smile in your voice. "I'll order room service and you can tell me all about it."_

 _"Sounds great," I grin. "I love you."_

 _"Love you too," you say. "Now hurry up and get here."_

 _"Okay, see you soon." I hang up, unable to wipe the grin from my face._

 _THE END_


End file.
